ToshyBoy & Takasugi
by bella92
Summary: One night makes all the difference for Hijikata. Takasugi x Hijikata,Gintoki x Hijikata
1. Chapter 1

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**_Summary: _One night makes all the difference for Hijkata when he lies on the  
line of death and life with a broken heart.**

_**Warnings: **YAOI, _Takasugi x Hijikata , Gintoki x Hijikata.

_**Disclaimer: **All characters owned by Sorachi Hideaki. _

**_Beta-ed by: Lumi75_, Thanks for all your help and support.  
**

**TOSHY-BOY & TAKASUGI.**

_"People are more willing to go much further to get rid of what they are afraid of than to get what they crave." -Dan Brown_

_...Right?_

Night had fallen over Edo town, leaving a deep feeling of dread over the streets. A certain sort of people who avoided the day, now crawled out from hiding, taking advantage of the period to do illegal acts. Feral animals sniffed through trash cans, hoping to find food to live another day. You could clearly hear the cats hissing and the dogs growling as they bared their teeth and claws to scare their opponent away from their new-found treasure. It is slightly disturbing, but nonetheless fascinating, to think that there are people in the world who work the same way. Of course, when it comes to people, it is not food we fight over...

Hijikata Toshiro's head throbbed painfully as he walked down said street, feeling lonely. He pressed his right hand to the side of his head, trying to still his version which, from to time to time, would spin around. A typical symptom for someone who's had too much to drink. But he didn't care, maybe because his thoughts were too busy thinking about a special person.

Sakata Gintoki.

Hearing the name hurt him hellishly. A cool breeze passed him, stroking his flushed cheeks and made his blue kimono flutter off the ground...

** ** **

_30 minutes ago..._

"I want you to join the Shinsengumi," the words were sudden, and would have thrown over the most restrained man, even Hijikata was surprised by his own bluntness. But Gin, who sat beside him, drinking lazily from a glass of sake, simply looked over blankly, seemingly not affected in the slightest.

They were in a little bar that was owned by a blonde lady, Hijikata was too drunk to remember her name but he remembered enough to know that he had crossed paths with her another time when the Shinsengumi were after Katsura. The bar was nearly empty, except for a couple of old men who played poker, when they really should be at home instead of making their waiting wives worry. They would scream a series of swear words once in a while when someone lost. Hijikata wished that some old man would lose right now, breaking the uncomfortable silence that lay over Gin and him.

Hijikata's body acted on its own, making him bite his under lip as his hand squeezed his knee. He was suddenly very tense.

Finally Gin drawled. "Did you say something-hiccup-Hijikata-kun?"

"I-I have always admired you…" confessed black haired man in a trembling, low voice, the words just flowing out of his mouth on its own will. He didn't know where all the courage came from but guessed that it was all the sake he had. Even if the start of confession was a little clumsy and definitely not at the right moment, he just hoped that the other would understand his feelings and, if he's lucky, return them.

"And I..,"

Hijikata gulped, trying say the words he had dreamed for a long time to tell the man beside him. And now he had the chance, Gintoki's attention was all on him, only him, which was good but still made him a little nervous. Hijikata opened his mouth, the words were on his tongue, he tried to force them out.

"And I l-lo- "

Gin chuckled, interrupting him. He peered his rusty red eyes at the Vice-Commander with a funny look while holding his chin in his hand. "Are you joking with me, Toshi?" Gin chuckled again, thinking that it all was just that, a joke. "As if I would want to be in the Shinsengumi-hiccup-I mean, just look at you for example," he pointed at Hijikata. "Do you think I want to be like you? Some dog of the state?" he waved his hand dismissively. "Tch. Give me a break Toshi."

The black haired stared, his mouth slight agape, at Gin, who had gone back to his drink like nothing happened. A strange feeling crawled in his chest, resembling to a sort of heart disease. _What is this feeling?_ He leaned forward slowly, his black hair creating a shadow over his eyes. _Am I not good enough for him? Am I too ugly? Is it my work? But if it wasn't for the Shinsengumi I would never have met Sakata in the first place. I don't understand what's wrong with me?!_ The grasp on his knees hardened, his nails sank into his flesh. The pain made him feel better, everything was better than the feeling of being rejected so harshly and he didn't even know why.

Unexpectedly, Gin laid his large hand on his shoulder. Hijikata jerked, surprised by the touch, but Gin didn't move it. The warmth of the hand spread like a wild fire through Hijikata's body, burning him, waking a lot of desires in him, so many that he felt sick to his stomach and even warmer in the face. The freelancer raised an eyebrow at the other man's suddenly weird behaviour and blushing cheeks. Does he have a fever or something? thought Gin, his eyes searching the other one, "Oi, are you al-"

"Whoohoo! I won!" one of the men in the bar, a fat, bald one, leapt from his chair in happiness, laughed loudly and punched up in the air like some brat. "HAHA! How does it feel motherfuckers?!" Gintoki's attention went over to the older men. He turned his head in their direction and watched the older man doing a wining dance on the table and the blonde woman behind the bar screaming at him.

His hand slid off Hijikata's right shoulder, in what Hijikata felt like a painfully slow sensation. The warmth left a trail over his clothes, probably never to return...

'Hurry!' thought Hijikata, biting his lip as all his senses kept intense focus on the other man's hand. A part of him wanted to suddenly grab Gintoki, taking grasp of his chin and kiss him deeply, while the other side of Hijikata, the more jumpy and desperate one, just wanted the hand away from him.

Crazy thoughts added to his over emotional state and made him want to act recklessly, the alcohol in his system didn't help either. His own hands on his knees had now become balls, his breathing was now harder too, although still through the nose. 'Just take away that hand, already!'

"...Stop touching me!" he slapped away Gin's hand, like a mother scolding her child for trying to take a bit of cake before dinner. "Your hand is sweaty, don't use me as a towel, bastard," Hijikata was surprised that he made his voice sound so calm, when he felt like total wreck inside.

Gin blinked when his red, glossy eyes turned back to his company for the night. He tilted his head a little to his right, making his silver hair shine with the light from the lamp. God, did it did make him more appealing, at the same time looking more out of reach than ever.

"Eh? What's with you now?-Hiccup!- Hitting me right of the blue?" Gin cockily raised his eyebrow, waiting for an explanation.

Hijikata snarled back, fighting the urge to spit at the samurai for being such an ass. But suddenly Gin flashed a goofy grin, stopping Hijikata in the act, and leaned forward, so much so that their noses nearly met. "Or is little Toshi afraid of a friendly touch?" He teased, and gave a low mechanical laugh. "Afraid of germs are you, Toshy-boy?"

"I told you..." growled Hijikata, glaring daggers at Gin as his own, pale hand unconsciously covered the place on his right arm that Gin last touched. He couldn't help the nervous feeling he had from the closeness they were sharing. "Stop calling me Toshi, damn it!"

"_And who the hell is Toshy-boy?!"_

** ** **

Hijikata had left the bar right after that, his drunken mind knowing at least that much; if stayed there any longer he would go nuts. He had such a strong craving for a cigarette, but to his utter disgust, in his hurry to leave the bar, he had left his pack there together with his sword.

"I'm such an idiot," he muttered to himself, trying to fill the silence around him. Hijikata rather liked the quiet streets, it made him more calm and collected. His thoughts turned back to Gintoki once again, wondering what he was doing now that he had left him. 'Was he with a woman? Was he going to remember all that he said tonight when he is sober? How would he act next time he saw him?' Hijikata had many question but no answers. Maybe if he would had stayed with Gin he would at least know some of the answers.

Now that he thought about it, he felt kind of lonely and hungry. The lonely part he couldn't do anything about right now, the Shinsengumi HQ being a good stretch away but he did know of a fast food cart a few steps away, he could drown his sadness with a quick snack and go to bed later, hoping that the hangover won't be too bad tomorrow. Or else Kondou-san will be displeased and Shougo, the sadist, will annoy him all day long, telling him how no-good he is. Hijikata didn't need that after this night, his self-confidence was already down to zero.

Hijikata took a short cut to the fast food cart under a deserted stone bridge, he would be forced to dirty his sandals, but it was a pretty big chance that he river air would do him some good. That's what he needed, sobering up. At this thought he gulped, running to the nearest trash can but was surprised and then relieved when nothing came. He was sure that he would actually vomit, if there was anything to vomit, that is. He had not eaten anything all day; he didn't have breakfast, did not feel for lunch, and had no time for dinner. No wonder he was hungry.

The sand under his feet was so soggy that Hijikatas sandals sunk, and for every step he took he was forced to drag another heavily up from the sand. Even though it was night, near the end of summer you could still see outlines clearly, so he had no problem avoiding the many rocks spread over the waterside. He continued, lifting his leg high with every step, Hijikata was glad that no one saw him at the moment, he must look ridiculous!

Suddenly it all went wrong. Hijikata had lifted his knee a little to high and fast, ruining his already bad balance. He waved his arms faster than two helicopter blades, trying not to not fall backwards. It worked, perhaps a little too well, because the sudden movement and the panic he felt made him more unsteady than before.

He tipped forward, the weight of his own body betraying him to gravity, and he fell face first in the sand. This would clearly dirty his kimono, and not only that, he himself too. "Damn it," muttered Hijikata angrily, clutching the sand hard in his hand, feeling so embarrassed that he was sure that he could hear someone snickering.

"Stupid imagination," Hijikata stretched open his fingers and push to get up on his feet again.

"Ohmp," he fell down to the sand again, something hard had thumped him down on the back, surprising him. Hijikata could feel the sand entering his mouth. Bleh! He gagged on reflex and tried not to suffocate.

The thing, that Hijikata now realized was a sandal, pressed him down again without mercy. Hijikata gasped and accidentally swallowed some sand. Softly laughter could be heard over him, and it was no mistaking it who the person laughed at.

Hijikata growled, his first thought being that Shougo was mocking him while he was in his weak state. He turned his head to the side, prepared to scream at the captain. "SHOUGO! WHAT THE HELL-!" he stopped mid sentence, his eyes going wide when he saw a man that defiantly was not Shougo.

This man had black, thin hair, a bandage over his left eye and a colorful kimono that reached to the heels. A shadow seemed to naturally hide his face but Hijikata could clearly see who it was, even if he never seen him in person have he heard enough descriptions from terrified witness in his days to recognize him.

"T-Takasugi Shinsuke..." the words were whispered but Hijikata was sure that the criminal had heard him. His mouth felt dry, and he knew that it had nothing to do with the remainder of sand that was left in his mouth.

Takasugi leaned over Hijikata, adding the weight of his arm over the leg which was still planted on the other man back. "Good evening, Shinsengumi Vice-Commander," the smile grew to a sick grin, an early warning that an amateur might not have caught. Lucky for him, Hijikata wasn't an amateur, he understood well enough that something was about to happen. He leapt in panic, knowing that he would be killed in an instant if he stayed in that position.

Takasugi drew his sword in a fast move, aiming for the black haired man's neck to make the kill quick. Hijikata just managed to escape at the last second by rolling away from the samurai. Still, he was too late, and a deep pain shot through his shoulder, cutting his kimono and flesh under. A high yelp left his throat when the sharp blade hit him. But in the moment he didn't care about it, all his mind could think about was to get away from the crazy beast.

When Hijikata had rolled a good distance from the other he stood to his feet, unsteady, and a hand reached immediately to his right arm. Ironically was the place he had been cut the same that Gintokis hand had touched earlier...Hijikata shoved the memory aside, this was not the time to think about it!

Takasugi simply smiled, his sword leaving a deep cut in the sand, exactly at the place Hijikata's head was a moment ago. A red, thick substance dripped down his sword tip, creating a pool of it in the sand, blood. Takasugi saw how it dripped from his sword with the same expression.

His foot, that had been on the Vice-Commander's back, had sank back to the ground, the man wiggled his toes a little trying to pull it up. He looked up to Hijikata, a more amused smile on his face. "Has no one ever told you that it's dangerous to walk alone at night?" He chuckled menacingly. His voice was naturally deep, but it was also hoarse at the same time, suggesting that the bandaged-eyed man hadn't spoken in more then a day. "Especially, when you're drunk. It's like begging to be attacked."

"Humph. You w-would have thought that there would be no psychos left on the streets that dared to attack a S-Shinsengumi," Hijikata's voice trembled, but his face still showed courage. One good thing about alcohol, it made him more confident, one bad thing, it lowered his fighting skills a lot. He knew that if he didn't figure out a way to get away he would soon be killed, the biggest reason being that he didn't have his sword. He could not fight with Takasugi and Takasugi knew it.

Warm blood ran out of the wound, leaking through his fingers, coursing down his arm, and finally going down to the ground. Hijikata quickly ripped of a piece of his blue kimono, trying to stop the bleeding.

Takasugi silently observed the man when he treated his wound, hearing the small, little whines he would let lose when the pain become too much. Very rare for a man to be so...squeaky. A thoughtful expression appeared on Takasugi's face, his index finger seating under his lip.

Hijikata noticed how his opponent seemed to be lost in thought about who the hell knows what, all he saw, however, was a chance to escape. So, without thinking before acting, a thing that Hijikata never would do in a normal case, he started to run as fast he could. In his rush he lost his sandal, which he was happy for. 'They slow me down anyway!' The wind he thought was so refreshing before now became painful, the cold air kept cutting through his right arm even though it was blocked by a thin cloth.

He begged god that the criminal wouldn't freak out over his absence, being satisfied with the damage he caused for tonight, and crawl back to the hole he come from. When Hijikata ran under the stone bridge and wondered if he was safe, he felt a bony hand grasp the back of his collar, pulling him back.

Hijikata gasped in surprise but a scream tore out of his throat when a sword cut him on his ankle, deeper than the last one. "This will teach you not to run from me."

Hijikata's underlip shivered from the pain, he felt new blood ran down his leg, this time at a faster pace. Suddenly circled an arm around his shoulder and another grabbed the back of his knees, all this went very fast but Hijikata managed to turn his head around, meeting Takasugi's evil green eyes right on. "Oi, what are you doing! Let go-!"

Takasugi, ignoring the other, had lifted Hijikata from the ground in bridal style, a move that required obvious strength since the other man was at least as heavy as him. Hijikata struggled in his grasp, yelping every time his cuts would come in contact with the other, as it did pretty often. Takasugi laughed a little, finding the whole scene very amusing and the other even a little cute with his constantly flushed cheeks. He decided that he liked the noises that the demon Vice-Commander occasionally gave out, and wanted to hear more...

Takasugi's fun, however, ended abruptly when Hijikata got his left arm lose, tightly grasping Takasugi's black hair, angrily making eye contact with him. Takasugi met the blue eyes calmly, searching them. The man was a little out of breath from the run and the struggling but his fighting spirit was as good as ever.

Takasugi decided that he liked that, it made the whole thing more interesting in his point of view.

"Let go. Now," said Takasugi quietly, but it was clearly an order.

Hijikata kept glaring at him, he tugged hard at Takasugi's hair, a rebellious move that stated that he would never submit. "Go to hell," he spat, very confident now when he had Takasugi in his grasp. "You let go of me or I will tear your hair off your skull,"

Takasugi could do nothing now when he held him, and he must let him go if Hijikata would let go of his hair, either way he has to let him go. An astonishingly idea from someone that was drunk, it made Takasugi even more interested just to know _how_ high intelligence the other man had.

Unexpectedly, Takasugi snickered, his laugh drained all of Hijikata's courage, and unconsciously made him lose a little of his grip on Takasugi's hair. "Oi, didn't you hear me?!" Hijikata had gone back to struggling, this time keeping his wounds out of harm way. "Let go of me you deaf bastard!"

In next second Takasugi threw Hijikata high in the air, he flew, screaming, through the space until--

SPLASH!

The water was surprisingly cold and Hijikata felt his body heat disappear fast, he couldn't fight off this overwhelming coldness. He had landed on his butt, his legs spread in front of him and his hands supporting him, Takasugi hadn't thrown him too far into the river and lucky enough he reached the bottom without trouble. Still, the cold salt water stung against his wound, especially on his ankle.

Takasugi green eye glinted as he followed the small strand of red blood that leaked into the blue water. His fixated upon its source. "I thought you needed a little bath, am I right? To clear your head. Or is the water _too _cold?" It was meant as a rhetorical question, merely said to tease the other man. It was a long time ago that he teased someone so naturally.

Of course Hijikata took it more seriously. He punched he water, making drops of water fly, just to rain partly over him. "You really are dumb! Not only deaf but an imagination freak too! Have I said anything about a bath? No. Then don't make up things by yourself you retard or else I will make you regret the day you were born!" he roared at the top of his lungs, even if the other man was just a couple of feet away, and really had no hearing difficulties.

The Shinsengumi Vice-Captain, did, strangely enough seem more attractive than dangerous in Takasugi's view when he screamed in rage. You would think that he was a man of control, but in reality he lost any sort of cool when you pushed his buttons the right way. It interested Takasugi in his younger days how people tended to change by his presence, how his voice could turn the most of social of people to betray their friends, to work only for him, and made the most hopeless cases abandon their thoughts of suicide to spend the rest of their lives under his command.

But this….

Takasugi studied the furious Hijikata openly, this case reminded him of one special bitch he met long ago. In his teenage days. She worked for some club somewhere, whatever, but the thing was that every time a man tried get close to her, hoping for a little chat and to end it with a fuck, would she always become raving mad, screaming in a high voice that hurt your ear and at her worst she would throw things.

Without a word, Takasugi went directly over to her to talk, even as the other men retreated from her, muttering 'crazy bitch'. Takasugi begun to chat softly with her, receiving answers soon and after just five minutes she was stuck to him, starting to seduce him like any other horny slut.

He lost his interest in her just like that. It would seem that the girl was no real crazy bitch. She just acted that way to play hard to get, no other reason.

It was one of the things that Takasugi didn't like about girls, they were so weak and frail, born for the role as bottom, both mentally and physically. They would cry too, and be irritating for no reason.

That was probably why he preferred men...

Takasugi ignored the insults he received from the other man, he didn't, surprisingly, care about being called freak or any other word. This was a little odd, as he always had a quick temper when it concerned his honour. He couldn't tolerate even the slightest bit of disrespect. But when the Shinsengumi abused him, it was far more fun and arousing, like provoking some kid or animal, and having the knowledge that the other could do nothing to stop him...hopeless….

Takasugi smirked when he observed his prey, he was still sitting in the water, glaring. The black, natural thick hair had escaped the wetness, just small drips of water from when he hit the water, they glimmered faintly, like small stars. It had a beautiful contrast to his pale skin and the intense blue eyes.

He was obviously angry, so much that he didn't care for his wounds, although they must certainly hurt. But the interesting part was his waist and legs, noted Takasugi, he couldn't look away once his eyes set there. The kimono robe was, of course, a little wet and torn, but it showed up the pale, thin (accidentally) open legs nicely.

"Oi! Where are you looking, you ugly bastard!" screamed Hijikata suddenly, closing his legs and pulling the kimono around him more, blocking the view and with it snapping Takasugi rudely awake from his train of thought. He blinked. It seemed, thought Takasugi feeling a little bitter and disappointed, that the Vice-Commander wasn't so much like the whore from that time, after all. He honestly didn't know if this was good or bad.

Hijikata scrowled at him, showing in every way possible that he was angry and ready for a fight, hoping that it would keep Takasugi at distance til anyone would come and help him. Not a fat chance that it would work but it was the only plan he could come up with though his persistent headache. Still, he didn't understand why the man had studied him such a long time and at such improbable places.

"You know," Takasugi said with some humor in his face, seeing how the man in the water kept a watchful eye on him. "I just realized that this is the first time I have seen a Shinsengumi wear anything other than that tight costume, I am astonished that I recognized you without it." Hijikata stared at the criminal, he frowned, wondering if that was the reason Takasugi had looked at him. _Just because of my clothes?_

Takasugi laughed shortly, his eyes lighting up, and he started to advance, taking the first step in the cold water without hesitation. "Actually, I think I like this on you much… _better._" his voice became lower and scarier by every word. Hijikata's eyes widened, and the panic begun to grow, he began to back away. "Wait, stop," he raised his hurt hand, trying to stall, but Takasugi kept going, his lips curling up.

Hijikata stopped backing off, feeling water flood into his nostrils, a sudden feeling of drowning overcame him. But when he tried to get up he slipped, blue water jumping and glittering in air.

He swallowed some water in the clumsy fall, but that was the smallest problem, something was definitely wrong with his legs.

Takasugi, amused by the others panic and confusion, suppressed a deep chuckle. Instead he tilted his head to the side, playing innocent."Is something wrong, Vice-Commander-kun?"

"Shut up!" snapped Hijikata. "What the hell did you do, Takasugi?" Under the water warped he his hands around his powerless bare feet, he couldn't feel the touch on either of them, 'Numb? How did it..."

"Ahh, I see that you noticed," said Takasugi smugly, his pale hand sneaking inside of his colorful kimono, bringing out a small vial. A small _empty _vial. "Kukuku~ Its paralyzing substance of the first class, bought straight from the black market," he waved his hand carelessly, rolling his eye that wasn't covered behind the bandage. "I have never been good at measuring the fluid to match the weight, so I poured the whole damn thing on my sword when I cut you that last time, though, I expected you to find it out earlier. I did, after all tell you 'That this would teach you to never run away from me again'."

"You talk to much," Hijikata eyed the vial in the others grasp, seemed very skeptical, "How do I know that it really was that paralyzing thing you said, how do I know for sure that it really-!"

"Don't be stupid," Takasugis tone went up a couple of levels, he turned up his nose and stared with a smile of superiority down at the other man. "If I wanted you dead you would be dead..." he trailed off, stretching the hand out and grasping the front of Hijikatas kimono, nails tearing softy in the flesh- _When did he got so close?! -_Takasugi pulled harshly, dragging him over to the sandbank.

Hijikata had no choice but to be dragged, even if he tried to get loose had he no chance to get away anyway. The paralyzing substance had spread through his body, crawling up his legs, rendering them wholly lame. It had only been around five minutes, at the longest since Takasugi cut him in his ankle. But he had no real knowledge of how long this poison would stay in his system. What a pain, thought Hijikata annoyed, for a second forgetting everything around him and his current state of danger.

However, it all came back to him when Takasugi threw him roughly at the stone pillar of the bridge, pinning him there with his own body. Hijikata grunted, the air going out of him in the sudden press between the cold pillar and Takasugi. A shiver ran through his spine by the freezing feeling on his back, making him hiss and close his eyes hard.

_Perhaps it all will disappear..._the childish notion flashed through his mind.

The rebel grinned when he felt the shudder. "Vice-Commander-Kun?" Takasugi sang playfully and clapped Hijikatas right cheek, trying to get a reaction out of the now motionless Shinsengumi. _Maybe I gave him a overdose?_wondered Takasugi briefly, examining the face in front of him. _He does look a little pale..._

"Vice-Commander-Kun?" he tried again, "Open your eyes, wakey, wakey."

Hijikata opened his eyes, frowning at the man who was practically in his face, breathing on his mouth, the sharp eye drilled into him. _Is there no escaping this guy?_ he turned his face away with the his best of abilities, slouching his body over the pillar to put some distance between them.

"Aww, is Vice-Commander-Kun angry at me…" cooed Takasugi in a baby voice, leaning forward and laying his head on the others shoulder, cozying up to the warmth, "You are really a pleasant pillow," he laced his fingers lightly through Hijikata's palm and pinned it beside Hijikata's head. His available arm circled around Hijikata's waist tightly, reminding of a child with its teddy-bear.

Hijikata didn't comment at his sudden position, even if his grimaced a little, he knew better then to open his mouth. _If I just ignore him maybe he will find it boring and go away, he's obviously just playing around. _But Hijikata still couldn't help flinching at his position.

"You...," mumbled the villain, "Maybe you could quit the Shinsengumi and be my personal pillow 24/7? " He smiled softy, "I promise to take care of you, Vice-Commander-kun."

When Hijikata kept being silent Takasugi's hand began rubbing soothing circles against his back. "Hey...Why are you ignoring me, Vice-Commander-kun?" his voice took a sudden turn, sounding more sad and lonely, as if Hijikata was the bad guy that was at fault.

"..."

Hijikata swallowed, but other than that he gave no reaction to the rebel's sweet words, Now I understand why so many people ally with this guy, thought Hijikata, a persistent, unexplainable feeling of guilt resting in his stomach, refusing to go away.

"I know what you doing," stated Takasugi smoothly. "And it won't work, I will not leave you alone however much you keep giving me the cold shoulder," he begun to become impatient with this. "In the end I will just force you to acknowledge my presence..." his lips nuzzled against the neck, making it wet with saliva and then bit down savagely.

Hijikata jerked sharply against the body pressing his to the stone pillar, a harsh choke drawing out into a groan as Takasugi's sharp teeth cut him. His hand, sealed to the pillar flew out with new power, reflexes afire to remove the reason for the pain. But Takasugi's hand harshly thrust it back against the pillar, breaking some bones in a snap while he was at it.

Hijikata screamed, body trembling violently by all the sudden pain. Takasugi continued, the desired reaction urged him on, his lips started to like the wound it created, tasting him. His other arm that was warped around Hijikata waist crawled up, grasping the thick hair and tugged, forced Hijikata to lift his chin. Takasugi took a lot of pleasure from all the new places on the Shinsengumi that now became available.

Hijikata panted, breathing faster, "Get off me, you sick bastard," he ordered, wishing nothing more than to kick the rebel to oblivion. Instead his legs gave way under him, his muscles melted out of his control and he slowly slided down the pillar.

"Kukuku~, take it easy, Vice-Commander-Kun," Takasugi let go of Hijikata's hair to help lift him up, his hand sneaking a little lower and squeezing his butt. Hijikata jerked, caught off guard by the move. He glared, still a little out of breath after the pervert's 'attack' on him. The 'pervert' only smirked back at him, telling him clearly, 'It is a useless idea to try, because you can do nothing against me anyway. And I know that you know it.'

He drew back enough to study the Shinsengumi in his grasp. "Tsk, Tsk, look at you, Vice-Commander-kun, what will I do with you?"

"Leaving me the hell alone would be a good start." grumbled Hijikata as an answer, he didn't dare to raise his voice, afraid that it would make Takasugi do more sadistic stuff to him. But still he couldn't resist telling the bastard to back off, showing him that he clearly didn't want this.

"I am hurt, Vice-Commander-kun, do you really thinks so?" he pretended to be shocked by the words, and Hijikata wouldn't be surprised if he would dramatically clutch his heart and begin quoting some sappy line. "I think that-"

"OI! TOSHI, ARE YOU HERE?! OI! TOSHY-BOY!"

Both Takasugi and Hijikata froze, eyes going wide, bodies tensing when they heard the familiar voice. It was no mistaking it. No one had a deep and, in the same time, unmotivated voice as that person.

"Gin..." whispered Hijikata, in a voice so low that it didn't reach his own ears. He blinked repeatedly. _What is he doing here?_

"What the hell is he doing here?" swore Takasugi unamused, echoing the Shinsengumi's unspoken thought. His grasp tightened and he chewed his lip furiously, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"TOSHY-BOY~!"

It came noticeably closer than before, just a couple of feet away, twenty at the most. Hijikata started to struggle, his back scraping against the hard surface when he tried to flee. Takasugi, as if coming to some decision, acted immediately.

He punched the blue eyed samurai hard in the face with his free fist, breaking his underlip. He felt better when he saw the red blood gush from the wound.

Hijikata froze, hissing sharply. He hadn't expected Takasugi to hit him now, he would have thought that he would let him go, run or attack Gintoki. "Let me go, I haven't-"

"Silence!" Takasugi's tone was cold and intense, "Just listen to me, okay." It was obviously no request. It was an order. "This is not over, don't you ever even _think _that this is over." The green, narrowed eye stared through his blue eyes, straight into his soul, "Understood?"

Hijikata did not respond, so Takasugi squeezed Hijikatas broken hand for emphasis, loving the suppressed noise he received. Footstep could be heard in the background, the stress making Takasugi even more excited, he cupped Hijikata's chin and suddenly bringing their mouths together. He was not surprised by the Shisengumi resisting his kiss, and to make him stop squirming he squeezed the hand even harder. Takasugi remarked that the lips were soft and gentle, and he enjoyed sucking at the bloody underlip, tasting it.

When they broke apart, Hijikatata's support disappeared like the wind and he found himself tumbling helplessly to the ground. "Ummph!" he attempted to slow his fall with his arms, yet an unbearable pain attacked in two places; his broken hand and the wounded arm...the arm that Gin had...speaking of - where the hell is Gin?

_Speaking of the devil. _

Gintoki appeared, he had probably located him through the noise from his fall, a little to late in Hijikatas opinion, why the hell couldn't he hear Takasugi's threatening voice earlier? Gin walked up to Hijikata, looking down at him with a raised eyebrow. Hijikata frowned in disbelief when he observed the disheveled silver hair and the clouded red eyes that seemed to not have any trace of intelligence left. _Typical of the bastard, he's still drunk._

It was just about a hour since the two of them sat in the bar, drinking sake and, how, as Gin saw it, having fun. _What could have happened to him in an hour? Wonder if it has anything to do with how strange he acted before? Has he economic trouble of some kind, owing money? Or maybe he got on somebody's bad side from his duties at work?_The last one seemed most trustworthy of them. Even more when Gin personally knew how many enemies the Shinsengumi had.

_What mess have he got himself in now?_Gin looked concerned, he made eye contact with black haired man. Hijikata soon broke it, turning his face away in the dirt, shamefully.

"What do you want?" The speak was muffled, obviously because of the broken lip the man bore, for Gin was pretty sure by the others face that it was not the way he wanted the word to come out.

Gintoki blinked, slowly, still a little out of his senses. "What I want...?" he echoed, seemed to seriously consider this. It was silent, the only sound being weak shifting from the ground when Hijikatas body moved, testing his legs to see if they still were numb. They were.

As Gintoki thought over the 'hard' question he received, Hijikata tried discreetly to get up on his feet. His arms, bloody and dirty, trembled as he forced them to move. He let out a breath that he didn't know that he was holding, giving up for the moment when he realized that it was impossible.

He sighed, feeling explainable tired . "Forget it," said he finally, he didn't want Gintoki to get brain melt. "Well," he yawned, "how long did you stay at the bar?" he gazed to the side, remembering his earlier thoughts this night. "...Meet some nice girl?"

"What are you talking about...-Hiccup!-" Gin scratched his silver hair, irritated on himself and seemed to glare down at his stomach, as saying that it was his fault. "Stupid hiccups, never stops."

Hijiktata giggled quietly, he thought the scene was comical for some strange reason. 'He is really one of a million, that guy.' His eyelids felt heavier now.

Gintoki couldn't believe his ears, did Hijikata just...giggle? He shook his head, and regretted it when he soon felt dizzy. _He must be more drunk than I thought._He turned half around, wanted to get home, "Come on, Toshy-boy, get up. Time to go home."

He expected to see Hijikata pass him immediately, shooting off some smart-assed comment that would be the spark of a new argument between them. Hopefully would it keep them occupied all the way home on foot, because Gin couldn't risk sending them home on his bike_. Especially since the Shinsengumi guy he happened to accompany, would, at any flimsy excuse he could find, personally turn him over in the blink of the eye._

Gintokis eyebrow twitched, eh, he hated to wait more! Why was he waiting on arrogant bastards like Hijikata?! He turned around, his boots digging in the earth surface and glared down on the person that refused to leave his thoughts. He was one second from roaring, ranting and, if it come to the worse, throwing a tantrum. He stopped himself just as the words were about to leave his mouth-

Toshy-Boy had fallen asleep!

_Perfect. _

_Just-freaking-perfect! _Gin couldn't believe it, he _didn't_want to believe it, but he couldn't deny it. Forget going home, together or not – now he had no choice but physically drag the Shinsengumi home. Ahhh! So annoying! He pointed at the black haired man, throwing the blame on him. "This is the last time I baby sit you, never again, got it?"

He got no answer, just soft puffs from the still body, _fuuuu, _the lungs blowing up...and down...up... and down...Gin sighed, resting his forehead against his hand, rubbing his temple. Exhaling, he tried to call up some muscle power and-

"Hiccup!-Ahh! What's with today, everyone's picking a fight with me?!" he glowered down at his stomach, demanding the organ to stop betraying him with some stupid hiccup. Not surprisingly since Gin left his stomach without food for such long periods, not his fault that he didn't have much money.

Feeling like an idiot for talking to his own stomach, Gin's eyes went over to Hijikata's sleeping form at the ground. He guessed that he couldn't escape taking responsibility for Toshy-boy. _I mean, he even forgot his sword and cigarettes in the bar after he got drunk, geez, and then landed into this mess. I am surprised that the Shinsengumi let their Vice-Commander go to the bar without a bodyguard._

He bent down, sat on his knees and casually grasped Hijikata's hands. To his shock the sleeping man suddenly flinched and jerked away. The freelancer lost his balance, swinging and nearly falling atop Hijikata. Nearly being the keyword. He furrowed his eyebrows irritated, could the damn Shinsengumi just _let_ him help him already?! He reached after the hands again, this time determined not to let go, when he heard a muffled mumble.

"...It hurts..".

"Huh?" Gin blinked, astonished, never had he known that the Shinsengumi demonic Vice-Commander could actually could feel pain, much less express it. Wow.

Gin whistled mockingly, the alcohol still in effect. "You turn more human day after day, Toshi". But looking down at the bloody man with torn, wet clothes and you would rather think that he turned more dead second by second.

"..."

_Okay, scary thought. _

Deciding that he had wasted enough time as it was, he grasped Hijikata's kimono, knowing that he couldn't touch his hand for whatever reason, and lifted him up onto his two feet.

Gin inspected the man's legs with a veteran's eyes,_ he should still have the ability to walk, if anything, on a single foot even if one ankle is cut. _He was just on his way to release his kimono, "So, come on, Toshy-Boy, time to let go and..." Gin trailed off when he felt two pale arms circle around his neck. Hijikata's feet gave way, he was holding on him with all his weight on Gin's neck. He could feel his wet body gliding on his own, searching to be nearer to the warmth the other body provided. Hijikata draped an arm over his shoulder and put his face close to his ear, telling him to _please_ not let go of him. As if in emphasis, he held tighter to Gin's neck, blood leaked out of the roughly bandaged wound on his arm, and the metallic smell of blood became more intense.

Gin hurriedly grasped harder onto Hijikata's clothes, turned around so that his back supported the Shinsengumi. The pain in his broken hand increased when Gin brushed it, but Hijikata managed to stifle any complaints when Gin hauled him up piggy-back style.

He lolled like a doll on Gin's back, seemingly more relaxed now. From the narrow opening of his eyes he could see Gin's big hands holding up his entire weight by the hollow of his knees. Oh, how he wished that he could feel the hands... directly touching his skin.

Without the Shinsengumi's notice Gin had begun to walk, leaving the stone bridge and with it all of Hijikata's recent bad memories. He snorted, grumbling to himself. "I bet you were born just to make life harder for me, aren't you, Toshy-Boy?"

No reply come, and Gin didn't expect one since Hijikata obviously wasn't in his best form to argue back at. At least they had something in common, because Gin didn't feel like arguing either, it was too tiresome and all the shouting they always did would just make their headaches all the worse. No, for the moment there were only two things that Gin wanted, the first would be a hangover tablet and the other was to know who did this to Hijikata. It was definitely some cowardly bastard, only daring to attack when there was no one around, Hijikata was already drunk _and_ he had no sword…_Grrr…_ Gin knew he wouldn't be able to tolerate it if one of his closest friends died again.

_I have had enough of it. _

"Tell me," Gin sounded determined, he hauled Hijikata a little higher on his back. He had started gliding down on his back during his thinking session. "Tell me who did this."

"Why do you want to know?" answered Hijikata with a question, obviously suspicious of the others motive behind the question. And had the right to be, you never know with Sakata Gintoki.

"Because I care." Hijikata would have snorted if his lip wasn't broken. Who knew that Gin was so full off bullshit.

_Yeah right, you just want to be a hero. A big-fucking-hero that you always play. Always saving the day. But I will not accept it, _he clutched his fist angrily, and narrowed his eyes._ I will not let you treat me as a one of those weak people, I will not accept being seen as a burden!_

"Liar," spat Hijikata, he didn't want to hear such caring words now when he had begun to accept his loneliness, knowing that he would live forever by himself, and no one else. He clutched desperately to the hatred he felt for the man so he would not get hurt again. Reminding himself over and over again that the silver haired man didn't want to have him in his life. And most certainly did not want to be a part of his life with the Shinsengumi.

Wetness welled up, collecting in the corner of his baby blue eyes. He wanted nothing more than to throw himself on his cold bed, that would never feel the warmth of his companion's body or love. Hoping that the coldness would envelop his heart, hardening it into a stone and making it unable to love ever again.

In the Shinsengumi quarters he would live forever, lying in said cold bed and there, for just this night, cry alone in the darkness.

Because that was what he was destined to be. Alone.

The water overflowed in Hijikata's eyes, but he just let one tear pass, feeling how it slid down his cheek first slowly and then faster. Losing its grasp on his skin and falling down, landing on Gin's exposed neck.

Gin felt the sudden wetness on his neck, he shivered a little when it slipped down his spine. A cold and stubborn drop of water that didn't know when to be absorbed by the clothes. He looked up at the sky, there were no clouds in sight, not even a white one. _Weird, I could have sworn that something wet fell on me…_

"Oi, Toshy-Boy, have you seen the weather channel lately?"

Meanwhile, unknown to the two men, a figure in a flowery kimono stood observing them from a distance. He licked his finger tips slowly. Vice-Commander-Kun's or, rather _Toshy-Boy's_blood tasted sweet, he wanted more. What he didn't expect was the Shiroyasha himself to block his way…

_Kukuku…sweet, very sweet._

_To be continued…_

_Nearly all men can stand misfortune, but if you really want to test a man character, give him power._

_-__**Abraham Lincoln.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: One night makes all the difference for Hijikata when he lies on the  
line of death and life with a broken heart.**

**Warnings: **YAOI, Takasugi x Hijikata, Gintoki x Hijikata. Possible Death Note spoiler.

**Disclaimer: **All characters owned by Sorachi Hideaki. I, sadly, don't own L from Death note either.

**Beta: **Lumi75, thanks for all your help.

_**TOSHY-BOY & TAKASUGI**_

_The big reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol._

_~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960_

The Shinsengumi Vice-Commander impatiently pulled a drag on a much needed cigarette. He exhaled, and grey smoke gushed out to fill the small area he was in. Although he was supposed to wind down the car window to prevent this from happening, having been lectured on the dangers of passive smoking and whatnot. Too bad. Hijikata didn't give a shit about his or another's health.

He tapped the cigarette against the already full ashtray, causing the mountain of ash to fall over. He frowned.

_Where was he?_

He was just going to check the clock on his mobile again, when he received a chaste kiss against his cheek out of nowhere. The lips were soft and gentle. Before he could utter a single word or swat the person away, those godly, wonderful lips roamed to his ear, nuzzling it softly, "I am back, my Toshiro..."

A shudder automatically ran down his spine, making the cigarette tremble in his grasp. His breathing sped up without his notice and his heart beat was even clearer, drumming in his ears.

_Dudum, dudum, dudum._

Even if his throat was dry he willed himself to speak, but it was too late; The man's aura disappeared and a second later could he see him wandering to the other side of the red car. It was a private car, borrowed temporary since Hijikata was too conscientious to use the Shinsengumi car, just to save gas expense for the government's cash box.

The man made himself as comfortable at the passenger seat like a prince on his throne and simply smirked at him, the chin pointed out.

Hijikata was not amused by the sight, even if his lower anatomy would disagree. "No kissing in public, idiot. How many times do I have to tell you before you get it?" he scowled, taking a last, shaky, suck on his cigarette before he stuffed it in the ashtray, killing it. His partner was never fond of his cigarette, even if the bastard smoked that damn pipe.

Takasugi chuckled shortly at the other man's come-back, his green eye glimmered when he looked at his lover. "I am sorry, Toshi, couldn't resist. You looked so _cute_ just then."

"...Tch," Hijikata blushed, but ignored the other in favour of starting the car, shifting to reverse. "Don't call me Toshi," he mumbled, not high enough so that the samurai would hear him but more to encourage himself to stay mad. He backed up quickly and slammed on the breaks, put it into drive, and sped off.

Takasugi ignored the violent driving completely. "Keep telling yourself that."

Hijikata hid his amazement at the other's keen hearing, god knows it would only feed the other's already fat ego. "I'm not telling _me_, I'm telling _you_. My name is Toshirou, nothing else."

"With that volume? It would give anyone the idea that you are talking to yourself, you know?" half joked Takasugi, gazing curiously at the Vice-Commander's fingers that clawed tightly to the driving wheel.

"Not everyone in the world has something wrong in the head like _someone_ else here so shut up before I make you."

This got Takasugi even more amused. "Oh, why does that statement sound more tempting then it should be..."Hijikata's eye twitched angrily, but Takasugi only saw it as an excellent sign of victory. Toshi never thinks when he is mad.

"Come now," continued Takasugi, trying to get the other man to lighten up and continue speaking back to him. "Isn't the word 'petname' familiar to you in some way?"

The car did a hard turn on the road, coming in to the right way in the last second. Hijikata was obviously very distracted. "We have no petnames for each other, you have permission to call me Toshiro, nothing else."

Takasugi's eyes narrowed a little at one word in Hijikata's sentence. _Permission...huh? _But he decided to let it pass, this time. He would not side-step this discussion, no matter what.

"That Konol-san calls you Toshi, so why can't I?"

"His name is Kondou-san," corrected Hijikata instinctively, irritation straining his voice. "You know that. Don't even try to badmouth him by purposely calling him the wrong name."

"You are so gullible, Toshirou," smirked Takasugi in complacent, taking great pleasure at the other man's frustration. "I laid out a bait to see if you would take it as an excuse not to answer the question, and_ you _did..."

That was the end of it.

Takasugi continued smirking at him, savouring his little moment of self-proclaimed victory. Hijikata's irritation grew by the second until he couldn't stand it, and he hated himself because he couldn't stand it. But he hated Takasugi more for making him not stand himself.

Damn bastard.

"Look," he tried to make up an excuse in hope that it would make Takasugi leave his back, "The reason I'm a little pissed is _only _because you broke your damn sword again this month, if you would be more careful with your things we wouldn't we need to spend our lunch break driving all the why to that damn sword maker woman."

"Her name is Murata Tetsuko," corrected Takasugi. He stared at his lover calmly, and his smirk grew wider when he noticed the other man's eye flash angrily. "Really, Toshiro, not only did you fall for my trick you even set up one for yourself. Why don't you mention her name, Toshi? If you keep going like this maybe I'd have to think..." his voice trailed off, getting lower as he leaned to Hijkata's ear again. "_You're jealous.._."

Hijikata instantly snarled, and made yet another sharp turn to the left, ensuring that Takasugi's body slammed hard against one side of the car. 'That's what you get for having a cranky boyfriend and no seatbelt', Takasugi fumed pungently. Hijikata carried on with his dreadful driving, and even broke the law storming the red traffic light for no reason, nearly flattening a doddering old man in the process. Takasugi glanced in the back mirror, seeing the man wave his cane at them and scream a couple of colorful words.

A demonic Vice-Commander, indeed.

"Really now, Toshirou, do I need to remind you to rely on proper methods of looking around you before tearing out into the road haphazardly?"

"Just shut the hell up. I'm the one driving, not you," snapped Hijikata harshly." I don't need to take a driving lesson from a person who doesn't drive cars, but usually _bombs_ them."

Takasugi had to resist rolling his eyes at Hijikata's assertion, he spent his time instead making sure that his seatbelt was secure, against the high possibility of said Vice-Commander making more rash turns or worse, _crash_ the car. He looked over at him and furrowed his brows.

"Toshiro."

"What?" Hijikata grumbled, slamming the breaks briefly before speeding back up. "What do you want now?"

"Put on your seatbelt now," he ordered the man.

Hijikata briefly glanced down and did notice that he, in fact did not have a seatbelt on.

_I must have forgotten it_.

He was just going to pull on the seatbelt, when a thought hit him and he stopped. He grinned a devious smile, knowing exact how much it pissed Shinsuke off when he disobeyed his orders. "Make me."

"Very well," answered Taksugi, catching on the game quite fast, and reached across the other man's chest and tried to pull the belt over him with force. Hijikata shifted around in his seat, knowing full well that it just made things harder for Takasugi.

Taksugi hissed angrily but persisted with his task. He tugged sharply at Hijikata's Shinsengumi jacket to pin him down, but it only resulted in the steering wheel making a violent move.

Hijikata screamed, "Shinsuke, remove your damn arm!"

"Never, not until you have a seatbelt on!"

"Forget the damn seatbelt!"

"Sit still, now!"

"I _am_ still, you're the one who can't attract a seatbelt from hell!"

"Stop looking down and concentrate on the road before you kill us both!"

"I don't care if I kill you at this point!"

That was when they heard it: _A siren._

Takasugi strained to look behind and blinked when he saw another police car. Surprise, surprise.

"Pull over, Toshiro," said Takasugi in his usual smooth voice, a crooked smile gracing his face. "Our 'comrade' seems to want something."

"Dammit, Shinsuke!" Hijikata barked as he pulled over, starting to wind down the window in haste. "All this is your fucking fault, and can you just _move your arm already!_"

A rather big man, dressed in the same leather uniform as Hijikata strutted up to the window of the car, took off his sunglasses in cool gesture and peered down at the two. He froze on the spot, gasping, "_V-Vice-Commander H-Hijika-_"

"If you tell somebody about this I will force you to commit Seppuku, got it?!" Hijikata interrupted the nameless Shinsengumi with a predatory glare, his hands busily trying to remove his boyfriend's arm that seemed to wiggle around him more and more.

"Y-Y-Yes, Vice-Commander, I will-I mean I will not!" spluttered the Shinsengumi as he backed away before breaking into a run towards his police car.

"Hmph, that'd learn him not to act so arrogantly," muttered Hijikata, eyes following the Shinsengumi through his rear-view mirror.

He was suddenly in the mood for another cigarette and was just about to reach for his pocket when he noticed that he was unable to. _What the..._His body was completely paralyzed, he struggled to get out of the grasp on him when he come face to face with the smirking Takasugi, who seemed to get closer and closer...

_"This is not over, don't you ever even think that this is over." The narrowed green eye stared through his blue eyes, straight into his soul, "Understood?"_

** ** **

"...Oi, Kondou-san, can I wake him up? He is definitely awake," pestered Shougo, eager to initiate some action since he was very bored. "Look, Hijikata-san's finger just twitched. So can I Kondou-san? I will be careful. I promise."

_Not. _Added Shougo smugly in his head.

The Commander of Shinsengumi, Kondou Isao, was currently seated on a comfy pillow at the floor. In front of him was a table with short wooden legs, which allowed him to reach over to his tea cup with ease. He had collected a rather high number of used cups over the two days…

Hijikata lay unconscious on a futon. His bare shoulders, chest and arms were wrapped in thick bandages through which splotches of dark red could be seen. Kondou shook his head in answer to his first captain's question. "Let him be, Shougo. He needs to rest."

"Eh?" Shougo looked over, one hand already perched on Hijikata's shoulder on the verge of shaking him awake. "Why? The sooner we get to know who did this to Hijikata-san, the sooner can we kill them in revenge."

_Or simply pay the culprit more to finish up their job..._

Resisting his inner urges, Shougo backed away from the man's motionless body and returned to his place on the pillow opposite his Commander.

"It will be time for that, be patient, Shougo," said Kondou, his arms crossed over his large chest and eyes narrowed. "Either way, we'll make sure that the person responsible for this will pay his debt, but more importantly at the moment, we ought to find out the real reason why someone wants to do something like this to Toshi."

Shougo settled down on his pillow, crossing his legs comfortably. "Maybe that person is against cigarettes. I always knew that cigarettes would be the death of Hijkata-san," he gave Kondou an innocent sideways look. "I even remind him about it every morning."

Kondou raised an eyebrow, seemingly not keen at all on the notion of a having a crazy psychopath on the loose around Edo killing every person he sees with a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

"...I don't think that's probably the case," he muttered after a while, feeling a need to fill the silence. "Toshi didn't even have any cigarettes on him that night, so this makes it logically impossible. No, I believe it's more likely that someone is after the Shinsengumi."

"Oh."

"I mean, why else would this person leave Toshi in this state? All the damage points to  
torture, and not death, the culprit maybe just wanted to force Toshi to reveal something..."

"Mm."

"Hmm," Kondou started to think, picturing the events of the past week looking for something suspicious, but could only think of it as any other week. At least he hadn't noticed anything off.

_Maybe Shougo knows._

"Shougo, have you heard or seen anything strange around here lately?"

"Not really, no more than seeing Hijikata writing a letter to his mom." Shougo suddenly grinned a little, a thought developing in his head. "Maybe he wrote something bad, like telling her to lay off the cookies before she got too fat and now is she after his blood."

Kondou stretched over the table and hit Shougo squarely over the head. "This isn't the time to be joking around, Shougo. You have no right to say those things about Toshi's mother since you have never met the woman, so knock it off right now!" Kondou scolded his young captain. No matter how old he got or more mature he behaved, it seemed like he would never outgrow his sadistic urge to insult people without a care.

Shougo rubbed his head where the Commander had hit him, ruffling his golden hair. His eyes were dancing with a lively glint. The hit wasn't that hard but the fast move jolted him out of his sleepy state into a more dangerous one…

_Maybe I ought to test the same thing on Hijikata sometime..._

He looked up at Kondou, seeing the older man practically bearing down at him with the 'stare' he often used when Shougo was little. The meaningful gravitas behind the 'stare' was supposed to signify to Shougo that he had done something bad and he better feel awful for it.

To bad that the only reason the 'stare' ever had some effect on him was because if he didn't apologize Kondou would tell his sister.

Unfortunately, the Commander couldn't do that anymore and therefore the 'stare' had lost its power. Hah!

"Just kidding, just kidding," Shougo reassured his Commander, even raising both arms in an attempt show that he meant no harm. "I think you do need some rest, too, Kondou-san. You usually aren't this serious."

"Are you implying that the only reason for my seriousness is because that I haven't slept in over forty-eight hours and not because I am a responsible Commander?!"

"Don't get me wrong Kondou-san," drawled Shougo in a blank, straightforward tone as he lazily, almost rudely pointed his finger at the older man. "I do believe that this situation is very serious and deserves all of our attention. But don't you think that those black rings around your eyes have nothing to do with your grave attitude right now?"

"Absolutely not," denied Kondou on the beat, you could clearly see that he was very defensive about the subject. "This is simply a tribute for L from Death Note, he died last week you know."

"..."

They were obviously coming off the topic, and even if Shougo had nothing against it, Death Note wasn't really the subject that occupied his interest right now. "Kondou-san, if I may, don't you think that the culprit perhaps isn't after the Shinsengumi but is after Hijikata-san for some personal reason?"

"Don't be stupid Shougo, if it was a personal reason Toshi would end up dead."

Shougo's mouth opened in astonishment, he found that his Commander was completely right, no doubt about it. Maybe he ought to encourage Kondou to become an insomniac, he might be crafty more often then. And who knows, maybe Shimura Otae would think him more attractive with a brain. Hopefully she wouldn't mind the hideous black rings underneath his eyes.

"Okay, I get your point," said Shougo finally, watching Kondou curiously. "Perhaps the culprit was after-what should I say? -secret information. That sounds logical. The bad guy going after the weakest link of this organization, don't you think so, Kondou-san?"

Kondou clearly wasn't as sure as Shougo about that theory, "I don't know, you can't _really _call Toshi our weakest link since he is our Vice-Commander. No, if the person was after the weakest one would he gone after Yamazaki, not Toshi."

"Ahh. I guess you are right, Kondou-san. I've completely forgotten about Yamazaki," said Shougo in a slightly understanding voice. "I don't know what I was thinking."

Suddenly a gruesome groan tore out, interrupting their calm conversation. The two of them looked over to the source of the noise. Hijikata was waking up. A hoarse and scared voice pleaded desperately"._..No!!!_ Let me go!" the mop of hair trashed from side to side, "Why can't I move?!"

Kondou jumped to his feet immediately, rushing over to his second in command with Shougo in tow.

His broad hand fell naturally on Hijikata's bare shoulder, drawing his attention and wide, blurry eyes to him for just a second before the man started to struggle in fear, his body trembling as if to summon the power to move, to run.

Kondou hadn't expected this, he was caught between the urge to let him go and hope he would calm down by himself or to stubbornly and physically restrain him from any rash moves.

_To leave Toshi alone would just end up with him hurting himself, it is probably better if I talk to him._

"Toshi? Toshi, calm down. It is just me, shh..." whispered Kondou in a composed voice to the panic stricken man as Shougo peered curiously over his shoulder.

"Toshi, just calm down, it is okay, it is okay. Shh."

At last Kondou's words seemed to reach Hijikata, he stopped twisting in the bed and his blue eyes glimmered with surprise and recognition when they gazed up at the Shinsengumi Commander. The view of those warm brown eyes melted away all his fear's. He blinked a few times.

"Kondou-san...," he whispered, his kneeling posture instantly relaxed and lowered down.

"For a second I thought you were..." uttered Hijikata breathlessly, leaving the sentence hanging when he swallowed. A little shudder run down his spine as the name made his nightmare wash over him again, he remembered the kiss, the reckless speeding, the Shinsengumi officer that caught them and...the rest of the details dissolved into darkness. Except for the very end, he clearly remembered how at the every end, Takasugi's face seemed to get closer and closer…

He couldn't help but check at his arms and chest to see if the binds of flesh still where there, they weren't. Instead were they wrapped in bandage...

_This man had black, thin hair, a bandage over his left eye and a colorful kimono that reached to the heels. A shadow seemed to naturally hide his face..._

"Toshi," Kondou smiled a tired smile that showed more warmth than weakness, as he gazed down at the man with lowered lids. He gave Hijikata's left shoulder a reassuring squeeze before his tanned hand left it. "How are you feeling, Toshi?"

"Just a little rigid..." Hijikata reply was curt.

But Kondou didn't seem to hear him, "You must be thirsty, right? Shougo, get him some water," he waved to the door as he arranged Hijikata's pillows to make him more comfortable. Shougo nodded shortly, still observing the two until finally he crossed the doorway. "Yamazaki, get some water," he simply drawled to the spy who was guarding the door. Yamazaki blinked, an open manga lying in his knee. "But, I-"

Shougo instantly slid the door close, and sneaked back to his place beside Kondou-san, just in time to hear Hijikata-san speak.

"Where am I?" he asked, squinting at the unfamiliar room. "Are we at the hospital?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, Hijikata-san. You are at the still at the Shinsengumi I'm afraid." He beamed a lovely smile. "But don't worry, some day will I accompany you to the hospital if you want."

The older man scowled, realizing that he, in fact, wasn't alone in the room with his Commander as he first thought. _"Shougo."_

"Nice to have your old self back so fast, Hijikata-san."

Hijikata simply snorted at the younger's statement, his healed lip now allowed him to do so.

"We didn't want to send you to the hospital Toshi," Kondou said, filling in the blanks that Shougo had left. "Even if they do offer better nursing, the hospital doesn't allow the same security we can provide here at the Shinsengumi Headquarters. The reason why we didn't leave you to recover in your own room was just because you would need silence, and this little, isolated room is perfect for that task. We just acted for your own good, it's true."

Hijikata nodded at Kondou's word, understanding completely, and didn't even for a second blame the man for his action. "I see. Well, how long was I gone?"

"That Yorozuya fellow showed up with your unconscious form around two days ago, and you have been out since then. Your wounds are healing pretty well, it is just that broken left hand of yours, that is the gravest injury."

Hijikata blinked, turning his gaze away to look up to the ceiling. He frowned in thought. _The Shinsengumi have no knowledge of blood testing so it is obvious that Kondou-san isn't aware of the paralyzing substance; good. Since it is from the black market, if I go with Takasugi's words, a simple investigation will throw up such a small scale of people that probably Takasugi's name would appear at the top of the list._

"Then, now that you are awake and feeling rather good maybe you can answer some questions, Hijikata-san, if you don't mind of course," said Shougo with his arm's crossed over his chest and leaning lazily against the wall. He never gave Hijikata the chance of speaking before he continued. "Who did this?" blurted he in one go, creating a deep silence in the small room.

"Did…what?" said Hijikata after a while, playing forgetful just to make his role as a 'confused person' more believable.

He succeeded, he had never sounded so stupid in his entire life.

Shougo paused a moment, his face still blank as a sheet so you could see no trace of what he was thinking behind the mask. He simply flicked his eyes pointedly at Hijikata's bodily injuries, waiting for him to get on with it.

Kondou was really worried now, was his brilliant Vice-Commander now showing signs of mental slowness? His hand twitched in sudden need. He wanted to call the hospital to get a computed axial tomography brain scan and full body section over his Vice-Commander, right now!

The black haired man got a sudden feeling of guilt, but he was more worried if Kondou would call the hospital. He decided that it was time to 'get it'.

"Oh, you mean_…that,"_ he sounded sad and uncomfortable, as if he didn't want to talk about it. He didn't know how much of it that was acting or pure feeling. "I don't know, I was drunk and it was very dark...and he hit me," he continued to lie, comforting himself that it was partly true. His eyes were still directed to the ceiling. "I think I got a memory gap or something..."

"So it was a male, you say?" said Kondou, just to clarify the facts and remove all misunderstanding. Even if there were none.

"Most definitive," he muttered bored, knowing by own experience that telling that the sex was male didn't really matter in this sort of crimes. The reason being obvious.

Knock, knock.

The sudden rapping on the door brought the three Shinsengumi members to attention and the door opened softy, letting a streak of bright light. It was Yamazaki.

"Ano, Commander...sorry to disturb, but..."

Kondou ignored his apologize and only waved him in to the room. "Never mind that, you can come in, Yamazaki. Did you bring the water?"

Yamazaki didn't come in to the room as the Commander gestured him to do, he stayed at the door. He seemed very hesitant about how he would reply to the question. "...Kinda, but it is something else--eh, there is someone here to see you."

"Who is it?" snapped Kondou irritated, both at the slowness of his response and at the mention of the unknown guest. "Tell him I am busy."

"Oi, is this how the Shinsengumi treat their guest? Telling them 'you are busy' when they went through the effort of coming all the way here. Nasty style, Commander, and here I thought that I had bad hospitality."

Gintoki didn't wait for any further invitation before he entered the room on his own, easily pushing the door aside. Yamazaki's hissed at him to stop as he shut the door, but the free-lancer pretended that he didn't hear him. He went up to Hijikata's futon, gazing seriously at the wide blue eyes.

"Hello, danna," Shougo greeted the silver haired man with a small wave. Gintoki nodded back to him shortly, while he looking at Hijikata with empty eyes. He seated himself at the floor, and didn't say anything to the Vice-Commander.

Suddenly reached he out his hand, it was a glass of water. "How are you, Toshy-Boy?"

_And oftentimes excusing of a fault  
Doth make the fault the worse by the excuse. _

~William Shakespeare


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary: One night makes all the difference for Hijikata when he lies on the  
line of death and life with a broken heart.**

**Warnings: **YAOI, Takasugi x Hijikata, Gintoki x Hijikata. Death Note spoilers.

**Disclaimer: **All characters owned by Sorachi Hideaki. I, sadly, don't own L or Death note either.

**Beta: **Lumi75, thanks for all your help, both as beta and a friend.

_**TOSHY-BOY & TAKASUGI**_

_The hero is commonly the simplest and obscurest of men. ~Henry David Thoreau_

"Who is it?" snapped Kondou at the mention of the uninvited guest. "Tell him I'm busy."

"Oi, is this how the Shinsengumi treat their guests? Telling them 'you are busy', after they made the effort of coming all the way here? Nasty style, Commander, and here I was thinking I'm the one with bad hospitality."

Gintoki didn't wait for any further invitation before pushing the door aside and entering the room on his own. Yamazaki's hissed from behind as he shut the door, but the free-lancer pretended that he didn't hear him. He went up to Hijikata's futon, gazing seriously at the wide blue eyes.

"Hello, danna," Shougo greeted the silver haired man with a small wave.

Gintoki nodded back shortly and returned his blank-looking eyes to Hijikata's face. He seated himself at the floor, and remained silently gazing at the Vice-Commander for a long while. Suddenly he reached out his hand, in it was a glass of water.

"How are you, Toshy-Boy?"

The black haired man blinked in amazement and his lips parted at the other samurai's sudden admission of open confidence. In just three seconds had the silver haired man caught everybody's attention, damn he was sure the lower ranked Shinsengumi must be currently gossiping and raving about albino's sudden arrival here!

Hijikata was aware that Gintoki had a sort of unique appeal that made him attractive to people of all kinds. The Vice-Commander was not the only one affected by it, far from it actually. He remembered that night when he had to make one of the toughest decisions in his life, and he still didn't know, even today, if he had made the right choice.

However, he finally decided during lunch break to send Yamazaki after Gintoki, the Joi he sheltered, and to _kill _both of them.

No way around it, Hijikata argued. Gintoki had only himself to blame for becoming mixed up with the Joi. But in the end … it didn't it matter since Yamazaki failed disastrously in his mission.

Yamazaki explained that the perm-head idiot had something, a sort of irresistible glow surrounding him that made people gather around him, be they friends or enemies.

He melted in the middle of his chest; to not admire the man was impossible...until suddenly his face turned as cold as stone, embittered by the flash of memories.

_"As if I would want to be in the Shinsengumi-hiccup-I mean, just look at you for example," he pointed at Hijikata. "Do you think I want to be like you? Some dog of the state?" he waved his hand dismissively. "Tch. Give me a break Toshi."_

Sorry, he was wrong, to not admire the man was actually possible…especially when he was a fucking dumb cow and just as much full of shit.

He replied a curt "Fine" and pointedly disregarded the glass of water. He shortly regretted his action though, since his throat felt as dry as sandpaper. But to take the glass, now, without the idiot offering him, would just make him look stupid.

"Oh really?" Gintoki wiggled his silver eyebrows in a teasing manner, his gaze slyly racked over the Vice-Commanders bandaged body shamelessly. Staying uncomfortably long at certain body parts.

Hijikata used his good hand to draw the blanket higher on his body, hiding it from unwanted eyes, or in other words, _perverts_.

He tried to look pissed off and bothered, but deep down he knew that it all was just an act. A big part of him liked the attention he got, however perverted it may be, and a flame of hope came to life in his soul.

_Maybe he does like me..._

"Yorozuya, I demand an explanation of your sudden appearance here or else will I arrest you for illegal infringement of our premises," interrupted Kondou, his sharp, otherwise soft and friendly, brown eyes drilling down on the free-lancer. The two black rings actually emphasized the intensity of his threat.

Gin noticed the Commader's shocking appearance and slackly blinked, then turned to the blonde haired boy by the wall. "What happen to the Gorilla?" he asked, jerking a thumb at the older man's direction.

"Starting a new lifestyle as insomniac, I guess," Shougo enlightened, carelessly shrugging his shoulder.

"Ahh, I see." There was a flicker of curiosity in Gintoki's pupils. "He looks a little like L."

"I know. Our goal is to make the Commander as intelligent as him actually," deadpanned Shougo. Said Commander furrowed his brow in confusion. "Oi, what do you mean by that, Shougo?"

The Captain pretended not to hear him.

"That won't work you idiot," snapped Gintoki, setting his glass down so that he could gesture freely. "Everybody knows that it was the sugar that did L smart."

"Really?" Shougo seemed astonished by the discovery. "Wow, and I thought all this time that the sugar just made his reasoning ability 40% higher."

"No, no, the secret was in his strange way of sitting," Gintoki corrected. "They even said so in the thirty-eight chapter."

"Whoa! You're really smart danna, you actually remembered all these unnecessary things." Yamazaki and Hijikata both sweatdropped, they seemed to be the only ones in the room cringing at the sarcasm in Shougo's words.

"Of course I am, never doubt it," Gintoki waved a scolding finger in the air before he pointed it to his chest in a proud fashion, his eyes closed. "I eat sweets daily, so I will soon become the smartest person in the world."

Hijikata covered his face with his and groaned loudly, what's stupider than the spot over 'i' was the idiot's tone sounding like he truly believed that sugar made one smarter. _Good grief. _Hijikata bit back his tongue. If he transformed his thoughts into words, it would start another senseless argument between them. Still, it was very tempting.

A loud roar burst their eardrums._ "__**LAY OFF YOU TWO!!!"**_

Kondou mistook Hijikata's groan as horrible pain and anxiously screamed to silence their conversation. "You are disturbing Toshi!"

"You're disturbing him even more, Commander," mumbled Yamazaki but only the background heard him.

Gintoki scoffed, waved away Kondou's objection. "It's okay, he said he was fine a minute ago, right? Toshy-boy will be on his feet before we know it," he paused. "However I do need to give him a private message from someone, it is really important so could you...," he looked pointedly at the exit that Yamazaki was guarding.

"I'll not leave you alone here with Toshiiii!" Kondou screeched in falsetto, horrified by the idea. "He is still not completely recovered yet and he-"

"Mah, mah, it is okay, Commander," Shougo said as he pushed himself off the wall. He stretched his arms in the air, letting out a pleasured grunt when his back cracked. "Let danna chat with Hijikata-san a while. We can go and get some air, get some sleep and maybe fetch some more tea, you took the last of it a hour ago," he tilted his head a little to the right so that he openly looked at the several tea cups that still piled on the small table.

Kondou blushed faintly and become embarrassed when all people in the room, excluding Toshi, followed Shougo's gaze to the table. Luckily no one broached the subject but Kondou knew what they were thinking.

"And your presence is needed outside this room, Commander," reeled Yamazaki quickly, seeing the opportunity to finally get their Shinsengumi leader back on track. "We have several unchecked reports, important mail to be answered, some guy-I can't recall his name-searching for you on the telephone and Katsura is still on the lose!"

"And the tea, Kondou-san," Shougo reminded in a creepy voice as he stepped up behind Kondou's back, grasping his shoulder lightly. "Don't forget the _tea_~"

"God, Shougo, stop acting as if I was addicted to that thing!" Kondou hissed, brushing off Shougo as the boy gave him the creeps. He straightened out his tight leader's jacket to collect himself before he continued speaking.

"Okay. I will go, but only if Toshi wants me to," Kondou said, crossing his arm and looking very determinated but still childish. All turned to the black haired man for his answer. "Do what you want," came a muffled answer from under Hijikata's arm when he felt their gazes. He didn't care either way.

"Good, let's go, Commander," Yamazaki said as he opened the door eagerly. The loud bang echoed in the room, as well within Hijikata's skull. He clutched his eyes for a moment, growled in warning.

"_Yamazaki."_

"Sorry, V-Vice-Commander," Yamazaki said, his voice cracked by the natural fear that washed over him and he bowed quickly in apology.

Kondou seemed hesitant to rise to his feet, but he had to give Toshi some face, if he protested any further it would just seem like he didn't trust his second-in-command with taking care of himself. He sighed. "Fine, I'll rely on you to take care of Toshi while we are away, Yurozuya. If you need anything just come to me, clear?"

"Crystal clear, Commander," Gintoki answered, a little artificial smile appearing on his lips just to convince the Commander of his kindness.

Kondou and Shougo slowly begun to move to the door and Kondou just manage to cast one last worried look at his Vice-Commander before he left the room with Shougo. Yamazaki softly closed the door after them.

Gintoki let out a big breath of relief. _I got rid of them-Finally! Geez, I thought that they would never leave, honestly..._

He placed his hands on the floor behind him and leaned backwards. He nearly tripped the glass of water with his thumb, but it saved itself, the water in it only swinged sideways and little spilled over the edge.

"I thought that they would never leave," Gintoki confessed.

"Cut the crap and just tell me the message so I can get rid of you faster."

"Sheesh Toshy-Boy~, you are such a spoilsport," Gintoki complained loudly, lifting one of his hands when it itched in his nose. His eyes shifted to the black haired man's body again. The blanket that the man had drawn up earlier now slid down his chest unnoticed and stayed by his waist. He could see the start of a couple of boxers there, the stomach was flat, the waist slender, hot and s-.

Gintoki forced his eyes close and poked in his nose. "You owe someone money and she wishes to get it very soon since her business isn't going that well right now."

"Money?" Of all the subjects that Hijikata had expected, money wasn't even on the list.

"Yeah," Gintoki confirmed, concentratingon his pinkie finger. When he saw a bugger on it, he carelessly shot it away to an unknown destination. Hijikata gritted his teeth, feeling annoyed about the short reply and the damn perm-head's disgusting habits.

"And who is this _someone?_" Hijikata asked, laying heavy emphasis on _'someone'._

"Does the name Ikumatsu ring a bell, Toshy-Boy?" Gintoki's hand lowered itself down to the floor again. "Your dear Shinsengumi comrades tore down one of her walls when they-ahh, how did she put it? _'When they maltreated a giant white duck and later chased after one of her regulars'."_

"Tch. And now that she has tried to get compensation from the Shinsengumi but failed," Hijikata continued. "Since you are such a_ good buddy _of mine you offered to come here to pick up the cash, right?"

"Yeah, it was pretty much exactly what I said to her," Gintoki replied, unsurprised. Hijikata wasn't stupid after all. "She has sent many letters and mail here but you never seem to return them..."

"The Shinsengumi is bigger than you think, it could easily get lost here," Hijikata lied, in reality was he sure that one of the guys who handled the economy did not even care to stamp 'decline' with red paint on her compensation inquiry, but only threw it in the trash straight away. Hijikata never really liked blokes that made a living through dealing with money.

"Do you have any cigarettes on you?" All this talking made him wish for something between his fingers. Something to make the time worthwhile.

"Not really, I don't smoke, do you remember?" Gintoki ignored Hijikata's sigh of disappointment. "Anyway, she wants her money back, the wall was not cheap to build up again and her business would flow much better if-"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," Hijikata grumbled tiredly, his eyes starting to close. "Just write down the number of the woman's bank account and I will fix it."

Gintoki seemed a little taken back by Hijikata's fast approval, but he didn't want to question it. He guessed that the Vice-Commander had his good sides.

He scavenged in his pocket for a piece of paper with a couple of numbers- _Got it!_And crawled over to the table and laid it there as Hijikata had instructed.

He turned curiously around to see if Hijikata looked at him, to check that he had followed his orders or perhaps to say something to him. For some reason become he little disappointed when both his beliefs was incorrect.

Is he planning to sleep with his arm over his face all day? Gin thought irked, as he crawled back to his original spot beside the resting raven.

"Oi, what is it with the Shinsengumi. Must you always treat your guest like crap, huh? The least you can do is simply to look at me-" Gintoki unexpectedly grasped Hijikata's broken hand and pulled it up sharply, trying to pull him forcefully to sit up.

Hijikata's blue eyes under the arm snapped open and he screamed in pain, accidentally biting his tongue. Warm blood flooded his mouth. He slapped away Gintoki's hand with his good arm before clutching his broken hand protectively to his chest.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Hijikata screamed furiously, spiting out blood straight to the silver haired samurai's face. "You idiot! Moron! Damnable permhead! Do you-"

"Hey, hey, calm down, I just tried to get you up. Sorry," Gintoki wiped away the blood before he raised his hands in surrender, showing that he didn't mean any harm by what he had just done.

However gave he the other a strange look, couldn't resist asking. "Or are you planning to _actually _stay lying in bed forever. Is this your plan, Toshy-Boy? Shall I move your mail box here too?"

"I would rather stay here than to be killed by a half-witted incompetent drunkard!"

"I was only trying to help you up," Gintoki rolled his eyes to the ceiling, what's the big deal? Toshy-Boy can be such a wuss sometimes. "No need to exaggerate Toshy-Boy, I said I was sorry so drop it."

"You fucking fucker!" Hijikata roared, nerves on edge. "Stop calling me Toshy-Boy, you idiot! How can anyone stand you when you are so damn stupid that you'd get killed by a even more damnable parked car!"

Gin's frowned thoughtfully. "...Can parked cars kill you?"

Hijikata paused and stared at the silver haired man in disbelief. No, he's got to be kidding. How much of the bastards brain died by the alcohol two nights ago?

"...I don't know you anymore," announced Hijkata flatly. He burrowed into his bed, turning his back to the other man.

Gin grinned teasingly now. "Are you implying that you did know me, are you, Toshy-Boy?" He poked Hijikata's tense back, unaware just how much his touch affected the other. "Were we best buddies before, huh? Did we play dirty games together and such?"

Hijikata wouldn't turn around and snap at the man, because it would be a pretty big chance that Gin would question the blush that graced his cheeks. He blew up his cheeks angrily, refusing to answer.

"Oi, what's wrong with you? Are you gonna sulk on me now, are you? Tch, as if I haven't enough of this at home with that S&M girl," Gintoki ran his hand through his silver hair, closing his eyes and mumbling. "Sometimes you can be such a girl, Toshy-Boy."

"You don't know anything, so just shut the fuck up!" Hijikata snarled. The 'Takasugi experience' made him very touchy about his manliness.

Gintoki opened one eye and peered at him, not the least bit impressed, "Yeah?" he challenged. "Then, maybe I would know anything if you told me something."

"Maybe I don't WANT to tell you something!"

"Then, maybe you can go with the anything."

"As if I will 'maybe' tell you about the anything!"

"Then, "Gintoki grinned in a sly way, his one closed eye and open suddenly looked like a wink. "How about maybe everything, ne, Toshy-Boy?"

"I will never tell anything to such an insensitive bastard as yourself!" Hissed a glaring Hijikata, his patience was rapidly dissolving.

"But maybe?" Gin tried.

"Never means never, when will it get through your thick head!? Geez, you are so dense!"

"Maybe don't want to understand because maybe...I care about you," Gin whispered tenderly, his big hand reached slowly out. Hijikata whole system crashed and he become white as a sheet when Gintoki touched his face, stroking the cheeks.

"So, all finished," Gintoki smiled, drawing away his hand. Hijikata noticed the blood on it and frowned confusingly until he understood. His own hand raised to his face, feeling after the blood that earlier had trailed from his mouth. There was none.

"...going soft on me won't make me talk to you, you know," muttered he unthankfully, wiping his hand roughly over his mouth. "And if you really care about me can you drag your sorry-worthless-ass home already and stay there because it would make me..."

_In the Shinsengumi quarters he would live forever, lying in said cold bed and there, for just this night, cry alone in the darkness._

_Because that was what he was destined to be. _

_Alone._

He could feel the sadness welling and the pain in his chest and he quickly turned his back to Gintoki again. He wanted to cry, more than he did that night, a lot more. Not because of his so-called destiny, but because he didn't want that. He didn't...

Hands clutched the thin blanket harder, making the knuckles white as he tried to stop sobs from escaping his mouth. He could feel himself tremble a little, and how breathing with the nose became more difficult by the second.

The tears were like a comfort to him, his only comfort.

"Oi, are you freezing? I can get you and thicker blanket if you want. The one you have can't be enough, no? You will get sick."

Hijikata couldn't help the snarl that seated on his lips, he told himself that it was a neutral reaction to the man he _hated _tried to play hero on his shift.

"Who would want help from you?" he managing saying without his voice cracking.

"Well I don't know," Gin said, scratching his chin as he pretended to think. "Hmm, maybe a stubborn Vice-Commmander...ne Toshy-Boy do you know any stubborn Vice-Commanders?"

"Haha, you are so funny," Hijikata said without any humour in his voice. He glared at the freelancer over his shoulder and at an offended-looking Gin. He snorted. "I can't understand that this is the guy I saved two days ago, god, if I didn't know better would I think that you were my grandmother that I haven't visited in years."

"You didn't save me you bastard, you're just thinking that --- but in reality you have destroyed my WHOLE life!" Hijikata snapped, turning fully around, but not before drawing his hand over his eyes so the bastard wouldn't see the beginning of his tears. He couldn't help acting like this, it was the bastard's fault, he didn't understand his feelings!

"HA! Don't make me laugh, Hijikata-KUN," Gintoki was very clear on drooping his pet name for Hijikata. He crossed his arms defensively. "I may have been drunk that night but I do remember you begging me not to let go of you, clinging to me like a damn koala!"

"I was drunk, okay?! And I never begged you to do anything but TO LEAVE me the hell alone! Can't you just do that huh?!"

"If I hadn't picked you up that night, surely some homeless person would have dragged you off and sold your organs, so show some fucking gratefulness."

"What? Is it what you want?" Hijikata didn't seem to believe it. He didn't want to believe it. "Are you saying that you 'saved' me that night just because you wanted a dumb thanks, not because you cared about me?"

"I never said that, did I?!" Gintoki snapped back, losing his temper. He hated pessimists who just assumed the worst of everything. "Stop imagining things already. Everything isn't about you, you know? All I want is you to stop acting like an ass to me!"

"Yeah right! Don't even try to lie to me! All you want is me to praise you as a fucking hero, nothing more," Hijikata now sat up on the futon, he refused to give Gin the privilege of avoiding the bloody anger in his eyes that he was famous for. "You want to be a damn hero, because it makes you feel good when people stand in debt in you, are indebted to you-!"

"I have never wanted that," Gin denied, staring straight in Hijikata's eyes."Do you think that I help people just because I want them to become indebted to me?! You can fucking talk to all the people I know if I forced them to say 'thank you' to me! Because as hell I didn't! Those people are just friendlier than you."

He paused suddenly and his face shifted from anger to smug comprehension. "Ahh, now I see…how could I not seen it earlier? You are jealous that people don't treat you that way, the people of Edo don't like the tax-taker as much as freelancers huh?"

"As if I care about what people think of us when we turn our backs. What matters is that we Shinsengumi get respect on the streets, and we do get a lot more of that, than certain freelancers that want to play hero. But let face it, you are no hero, because heroes only exist in fairy tales that mothers read to their children, that don't know a shit about the real world. And you were that child. But now, you know what you are now? Just a fucking, poor Yorozuya, so low that he will do anything for money."

"Of course I will do everything for money! I have two brats and a giant dog to feed what would you do?!" a loud bang was heard when Gintoki slammed his fist in the floor in anger.

"Don't even try to use the brats and mute as an excuse," Hijikata hissed, not giving the man the pleasure of acknowledging his show of anger, or more uncontrolled anger.

"I know that the kid who works for you and hasn't gotten one single yen from you in two years! The little money you earn, you waste on manga and sugar!"

"Maybe I do but I would rather live my life than be a fucking dog of the state that waste tax-payers money when all they do all day is sitting on their fat ass eating donuts, or in your case mayonnaise!" Gintoki backed off finally, seeming to realize that their screaming just went higher and higher. If this carried on, someone's going to burst in here and wonder what the hell is going on.

He resumed a normal conversational tone. "I will let you in on a secret, okay? To be honest have I no idea way I even bothered to show up here today, or why I even saved you that night."

"I know why, you wanted to be a hero. And you dragged your ass here to be showered by your so desired gratefulness," he snorted, wrinkling his nose. "Gratitude, gratitude, is it all you care for?! Have you ever thought about how you hurt people around you?"

"What? How I--Oh now I see!" Gin laughed loudly, sounding as a madman by his supposed discovery.

Hijikata gave him a suspicious glance and frowned at the twisted bastard, he didn't like the man's sudden change of mood. "What did your retarded brain _see _now?"

"Oh, Hijikata, Hijikata," Gintoki shook his head as if the black haired man was a naive grandchild. "This isn't about me or any other person. It is about you. Such a surprise there. Always about Toshi that and Toshi this. I said something to you didn't I, or maybe I did something to you. That's why you are mad, right?"

"...It isn't about me!" Hijikata denied. But now that he started to think about it Gintoki's claim made sense. He honestly didn't know if...No. This had nothing to do with him and his unrequited love. It was all Gin's fault, everything, he just want to play hero all the time, right? Why did it sound like he was trying to convince himself all of a sudden? He felt so confused.

"Get out of my room now," he said in a small voice. "I don't have the energy to deal with you right now."

"Sure, I am not gonna bother you anymore," Hijikata could hear Gin getting to his feet and moving to the door without turning back. "You can consider the little familiarity we had between each other as gone. Farewell and good luck--- _stranger!_"

_Every hero becomes a bore at last. - Ralph Waldo Emerson_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary: One night makes all the difference for Hijikata when he lies on the line of death and life with a broken heart.**

**Warnings: **YAOI, Takasugi x Hijikata, Gintoki x Hijikata.

**Disclaimer: **All characters owned by Sorachi Hideaki.

**Beta: **Lumi75, thanks for all your help, both as beta and a friend.

*

_**TOSHY-BOY & TAKASUGI**_

_*****_

_Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt.~Alanis Morissette_

_***_

Hijikata's eyes were glazed and he stared blankly at the closed door, finally lowering his head wretchedly into his palm. "Moron," he mumbled, drawing his thin fingers through his hair. "You are such an idiotic moron."

He didn't honestly know what to do with himself any longer, his life was over. He had nothing, not even his dignity or pride for that matter. All because of Takasugi-fucking-Shinsuke, thought Hijikata darkly as he tightfisted his raven hair to the point of self torture. Unwanted memories flashed in front of his eyes that he quickly disposed of.

It was a shame for a Shinsengumi to be so weak, so weak that he could be dominated by a fucking criminal. No matter if the criminal was a legendary samurai, leader of the Joi rebellion and wrathful spirit of destruction. He could have done more resisting, done more than he did and then maybe, _maybe _Takasugi would be in his place instead of him lying in bed, injured and unable to move, not even_ permitted_ to move. He glared at the ceiling of the gloomy, windowless room, most likely a storage shed buried at the back of the Shinsengumi compound. It was so unnervingly quiet he couldn't even hear the chirp of birds or footsteps of men. He was completely cut from the outside…just like some caged animal.

The talking earlier in the day had worn him out. As soon as he closed his eyes he was swallowed up by a restless slumber echoing with nightmarish voices.

***

A few hours later, Shougo entered Hijikata's room humming cheerfully to himself. He didn't even bother to knock, just kicked the door with his foot, making Hijikata jump violently. He would have used his hands had they not been busily occupied holding his favourite cup and a slice of bread. For privacy reasons he shut the door behind him, maybe a tad harsher than needed.

Hijikata's face looked dreadful from sleep and even a little drool was visible. "Huh? Wha-" he swung his head left and right before spotting the teenager. "Shougo," he rubbed his eyes. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Shougo strode over with lazy steps and took a seat at the low table. He blew calmly at the white cloud rising from his steaming cup, perfectly at peace. "Hijikata-san," he said thoughtfully, "Did you know that the position of Vice-Commander has been at the top of my list to Santa ever since I was six…" Shougo mumbled as he mildly frowned. "...But I still haven't got it..."

Hijikata wondered about the connections within Shougo's grey cells. _Why is he talking about Santa? I wasn't asking about Santa, was I? It isn't even Christmas!_

"Idiot, the Shinsengumi didn't even exist when you were six, much less the position of Vice-Commander." He grumbled, flipping under his blanket to face the wall.

"What did you say?" Shougo teased.

Hijikata just waved his hand dismissively.

"I'm not surprised that your wish didn't come true. You forgot that Santa's gifts are for good brats only," _and you are the most evil person walking on the face of this earth, hell you're the Satan's nightmare in flesh_.

"Are you really so naive Hijikata-san? That's only what they want you to believe..." Shougo said in an irksome tone and condescending little smile lit up his face as he raised the cup. "The reason my wish hasn't come true _yet _is because is it too expensive for Santa."

Hijikata couldn't help but notice the 'yet' in the sentence, but he decided not comment on it.

"Seriously Shougo, are you trying to tell me that Santa is poor? What do you know about Santa's finances, anyway? You can barely keep check on your o-"

_Sluuuuuuuurpppp~_

"-wn." He frowned. "And by the way Santa does not-

_Sluuuuuuuurpppp!~_

A little flame glowed in Hijikata's eye."...Exist. So maybe you need to stop wasting stamps sending those fucking letters to nobody, if it's anybody that needs to watch their finances it is it the Shins-"

_CHEW! CHEW! CHEW!_

"Good dammit, Shougo!"

"What?" Said teen blinked innocently, toast in his hand snowing breadcrumbs all over the table.

Hijikata opened his month to begin yet another rant, this time about Shougo's gross way of eating bread with open mouth but stopped himself in the last second. _What is the point? _he sighed again, anger level lowering drastically.

"Nevermind."

"Oh?" Shougo was surprised. Never had the demonic Vice-Commander wasted any opportunities to scream his head off at him, but today Hijikata had already declined the many openings to snap at him throughout their conversation. That wasn't normal. What happened to his spirit? Could he actually be dying?

Fortunately enough-or unfortunately for his part- he had ample proof that Hijikata was in good health, since he had acted very lively when Danna came by and...

Shougo placed his half-bitten toast on the table, and seated his finger under his lip in thinking position as a theory began to form in his mind like a puzzle or more like a equation.

_A normal Hijikata added Danna equals weird Hijikata. Hmm, something isn't right here, what could have happened between them?_

"Well, how did your talk with Danna go? Did he deliver the message he said he would?"

Hijikata's face paled at the mention of the albino samurai, his body tensed for a moment before answering,"...yes, he did...."

Shougo waited to hear more but Hijikta awkwardly started picking at his bandages and didn't show any sign of stopping anytime soon.

"Was it a good message?" Shougo interrupted.

"Does the bastard ever bring good messages?" Hijikata swore moodily, making Shougo frown in confusion.

"I thought you admired Danna, Hijikata-san?"

"Nooooo! What gave you the idea?" Hijikata grimaced and spat distastefully at the floor. "You know that we are enemies. I'm sure he's some kind of Joi member in disguise, I'm just waiting for the moment he slips up, I'll put him into the deepest of-"

"Because now when I think about it, you and Danna didn't seem to get along that well today," Shougo continued talking, not caring that it was crude to interrupt and not listen to people when they were talking.

"Oi. " Hijikata drilled his blue eyes at him. "Are you saying that I and the bas-"

"'The bastard and I' is the correct term Hijikata-san," Shougo deadpanned as he casually took out his bazooka and begun to polished it with a cloth.

_'The bastard and I'_ …

_'The bastard and I'_ …

Shougo's careless words roared like thunder in Hijikata's ears and his chest gave a thump. A deep blush spread uncontrollably over his skin. He became uncomfortably aware of Shougo's cloth slowly moving up the smooth metal and then down again. And then up… he was so light headed he was sure that he would faint had he not been lying down. "A-a-anyway, the bastard and I don't shoot each- I mean like each other! We have never got al-al-alon-a," Hijikata sputtered uncontrollably when he saw Shougo load the bazooka. "A-a-a-a-a."

"Yes?" Shougo turned his attention to him, his face as pure as a new born baby.

"And I hate him!" Hijikata hurled with unexpected power, eye clutched hard. He couldn't handle this pressure from the Captain in this state, he couldn't. "I hate him, I hate him. He deserves to die!"

Shougo raised both eyebrows, small lines appeared on his forehead and he stopped cleaning his weapon. "Why?" he asked simply in genuine curiosity. "Why do you hate him?"

"I-I...damn well don't know," confessed Hijikata defensively, voice cracking very out of character. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly, blinking repeatedly as his gaze dodged the other.

Shougo was starting to see the pattern in Hijikata's behaviour. He over-reacted every time a certain man was mentioned. You don't need to be an expert to see that Hijikata was lying his pants off.

_Why does he suddenly hate Danna?_

"Ehh~you don't know, well that's funny." Shougo sighed and pretended to put on a dreamy expression. "I just can't understand why you would hate such a great guy as Danna-sama, he's so cool and fantastic. I wouldn't mind working for such a hero."

Hijikata ground his teeth furiously. _**Hero.**_Oh he hated that word so much, he would love nothing more than to tear out that word from every fucking dictionary in the world and stuff it up in the mouth of the idiot that invented the word.

_Stupid heroes. They don't exist, when will people get it?!_

"Hero? Or Zero? You wouldn't be so happy if you actually knew how it's like to work with him, Shougo. I have and believe me it's an impossible task in itself."

"Oh?" Shougo tilted his head. "You did?"

"Yes, I did my best you know," Hijikata nodded, kept on babbling to assure Shougo. "I was trying to please the bastard in all ways but it wasn't enough, he was just horrible back. He hurt me cruelly that night wh-" Hijikata's eyes widen and his hand flew up across his month when he realized that he was just one tiny the line from blurting out his secret. "And I hate him because of that!" he ended quickly, turned is back to the other and throw the blanket over his head to hide his bewildered look.

Shougo had leaned slightly forward, his blood red eyes glowed in excitement just to die down when Hijikata ceased speaking. He was so close, so damn close to get the key-information he needed, thought, now was he positive that Danna was involved in all this.

"Hijikata-san, are you saying that Danna, Gintoki Sakata actually 'hurt' you that night?" Shougo was stubborn, once he had started would he not quit. Just like with the damn Vice-Commander position, Shougo would never lay off about it. Never.

"I didn't-I mean he did-" Hijikata began hesitantly, paused to nervously lick his dry lips. "I don't remember, okay! Go the hell away so I can sleep!"

He doesn't deny it, thought Shougo with a deep frown. Now he was sure Danna must have done something wrong and Hijikata made up these pathetic lies to help him out of a distorted sense of loyalty.

"Hijikata-san, who are you protecting? Please be honest with me, tell he exactly what you remember from last night. If I get the feeling you're still holding back, I'll simply approach Danna myself and compare your statements."

"Don't talk to him!" yelled Hijikata muffled by the cloth. His voice was both threatening and pleading. His eye peaked out under the cover to glare at Shougo. Shougo just shrugged his shoulders, ready to agree with anything on this point.

"Sure, but it's all up to you, Hijikata-san. Tell me the truth and Danna will not knew anything. Deal?"

"...Deal," Hijikata accepted reluctantly. He sucked in a breath, probably to preparing himself psychologically for what he was saying.

"I was out with the bastard, he had a few drinks and then we had a fight.." more like a failed confession for Hijikata, as if he could say _that. _Besides even if Shougo asked the bastard he wouldn't even remember if they fought or not, and Hijikata was pretty edgy the whole night. "...And I left, drunk."

"Do you remember where?"

"Under the bridge," Hijikata answered truthfully. The imprints of his battle by the riverbank must have been washed away by the rising tide, so he needn't worry. "Then I was attacked and the next thing I know, I woke up in this room."

Shougo snickered. "Were you that drunk, huh?" Hijikata scowled but Shougo continued. "And you don't remember anything about the attacker, except that it was a male?"

"He was a good swordsman," Hijikata chewed his lip under the cover as he tried to think up more useless information to feed the other. "He mentioned that he had stalked me to the bridge and he was...angry at me?" Well Takasugi was damn well angry when Hijikata refused to open his month for him. He stuck out his tongue in disgust by the memory.

"Now I see," Shougo said suddenly in a grave voice, hitting a fist gently down in his palm. His tea and bread were now consumed in his stomach. "As I suspected, _Sakata Gintoki_ did it. He is the only good swordsman who knew you were at the bar. You guys had a fight, he was drunk, angry and frustrated. Perhaps he wanted to settle the score by brawling, he couldn't help stalking you and-"

"OIIII" Hijikata kicked of the blanket in panic with his foot. "The attacker isn't Gin, he would never-"

"You denying it just makes my theory stronger," Shougo stated firmly, crossing his arms over his chest. But his face softened when he noticed that Hijikata looked on the verge of a heart-attack. The demonic Vice-commander's rare display of kindness towards the Yorozuya was rather touching. "Don't worry Hijikata-san," he said soothingly. "I understand your feelings. It's just normal for the victim to protect the guilty. You have heard about the Stockholm Syndrome, no?"

Hijikata didn't say anything, his jaw worked up and down when he struggled to utter a sentence-something! But he looked helplessly on when Shougo got up, dusted off his trousers and strode decisively to the exit. The act of forgetting his favourite cup showed how much his thoughts were far away. Shougo's eyes glinted as he slid the door open. Even though he liked Danna, if he found out Gintoki really was the swordsman who attacked Hijikata, then he must arrest him right away.

_I can't pretend it never happened like Hijikata does. Being a friend is not an excuse..._

"Hijikata-san," he said before leaving. "Leave this to me. Our job isn't to grant forgiveness. We make sure that everyone should pay for their crimes."

"Wait, Shougo, you've got it all wrong!" Hijikata finally screamed, his hand reaching desperately out to the Captain, not caring how his wounds stung at the movement. If only he could walk, he would have physically restrained Shougo.

Shougo was rather embarrassed by his superior's lack of self-control. His hand was resting on the door and was ready to close it any second. But still he forced a moment to utter a few wise words to his fellow Vice-Commander. "Being a friend is not an excuse, it is all the more reason to report him."

"You fucking idiot! Listen to me, this is a misunderstanding! Shougo! SHOUGO!"

But it was too late the door was already closed, and Hijikata could hear a key turning on the locking from the outside, sealing his freedom. He breathed raggedly. In the silence that followed he heard Shougo say:

"Because a true friend will thank you in the end."

_*** _

_Right Danna?..._

Shougo sighed and hung his head as he walked down the corridor towards his patrol car. He straightened up when he noticed a Shinsengumi on guard duty at the end of the corridor whom he didn't recognize, possibly a new guy. He was an older samurai with unkempt hair and white bandage around his head, obscuring his features. Considering the number of violent clashes the Shinsengumi engaged in on a nightly basis, Shisengumi who showed up for duty in bandages was not an uncommon sight.

"Where's Yamazaki?" Shougo demanded, looking left and right. "He's supposed to be on guard duty."

"Yes Captain Okita," the guard replied in a deep, steady voice that made him sound reliable. He bowed his head respectfully so Shougo was unable to stare into his eyes. Instead, Shougo found himself drawn to the Shinsengumi uniform, which powerfully reminded him of the true meaning of what he just said to Hijikata and even something more. Being in the Shinsengumi was not just any work, they had a duty and expectation to follow.

_I'm doing this for the sake of peace in Edo. If I overlook Danna's mistakes, then it would be unfair to the rest of the Shinsengumi who put their life on the line._

Preoccupied by these thoughts, he listened to the new guard with only half a ear. "Yamazaki-sempai was called away a moment ago. He received a tip-off about Joi rebels being spotted at one of the teahouses and rushed off to investigate. I was told to pass you this message as soon as you came out from the storeroom."

"What's your name?" Shougo asked as he reached for his cell phone and contacted Yamazaki directly.

" My name is — "

Shougo raised a hand, cutting the guard off as he walked a few paces away to speak to Yamazaki. It appeared the guard was a new guy under Itou-sensei; he should be trustworthy. Walking impatiently away, he tossed the key over his shoulder. "Don't let anybody go in or out from that room, no matter what they say, understood?"

Shougo didn't wait for the following 'understood' from the other before crossing the corner and disappeared.

_To be continued..._

***

_Anything you lose automatically doubles in value. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary: One night makes all the difference for Hijikata when he lies on the  
line of death and life with a broken heart.**

**Warnings: **YAOI, Takasugi x Hijikata, Gintoki x Hijikata.

**Disclaimer: **All characters owned by Sorachi Hideaki. .

**Beta: **Lumi75, thanks for all your help, both as beta and a friend.

**A/N: **Thanks for all reviews, favourites and story alerts. You guys are the best, love you all!

_**TOSHY-BOY & TAKASUGI**_

_In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back. ~Charlie Brown_

***

"I guess life just goes on..."

The same thought ran thorough Sakata Gintoki's crumbled mind, and he kept repeating it, over and over again in his lame attempt to believe it. He was on his way home, or at least that was his plan. Just that...he didn't want to go home. What would he do there anyway? Watch TV? Read manga? Eat ice cream and grow a beer stomach?

Instead had he decided to take a walk, saying that he needed to get some exercise and some suntan. At least that was what he told people if asked. He had walked and walked for hours without voicing any complaints. In the end, his feet started to feel like they were burning up in his black boots, and he realized he had wandered unconsciously into one of Edo's poorer neighbourhoods.

He wandered over to a well with intention to dip his feet in cold water. Fuzzy moss grew on the well and the water he fished up in a bucket smelled of seaweed mixed with alga. He held his nose, letting out a hiss between clenched teeth.

"What the heck is this?!" _Do people actually drink this water here? Ew._

He hurriedly put on his boots back on, the warm, sweaty leather felt much better now, and he quickly backed away from the well. Any moment now, he was sure to vomit or die from lack of air. Whichever came first.

Gintoki hadn't looked out behind him so it was no surprise that crashed into something. Looking over his shoulder, still holding his nose, he noticed a bum dressed in dirty throwaway rags. The man was old, and his eyes were squinted permanently like two pine needles. He didn't even seem to have even noticed that someone had pushed on his skinny chest. He was also unbelievably wrinkled and smelled worse then Otose-san's breath in the morning.

Was he blind, or shouldn't he have opened his eyes by now? But Gintoki didn't blame him, what was there to see anyway? He wasn't worth the energy to open your eyes for. He was nothing, no job, no money, no class. He had nothing, and Gin confessed that. Not even Shinpachi and Kagura were his, he wasn't their parent or even related at all, and they both had a family of their own, which was more than one could say about him.

_But some people don't see that, especially Tosh_-

"I mean_ that_ _stranger_!" Gintoki shouted, stopping his brain from completing the thought. In a sudden burst of energy he began to scratch his head wildly. "Gah, who is it again? Huh? Who? I seem to have forgotten his name, haha! But there's nothing strange about that, no no no. I mean, he's a stranger!" He laughed again, trying to humor his mind that his delusional thoughts were some kind of joke. "Haha! As if I would ever speak with a stranger! Wahaha!"

"Are you alright, son?"

"Huh?" Gin's gaze dropped when he felt a gentle tap on his stomach by bony fingers. He slowly raised a thin eyebrow when he spotted an elderly hunchbacked man from before. Eck, he's still here? Shouldn't you be somewhere else already? This day must be his worst ever; First a PMS-ing T-**stranger, **then the smelly water, and now this grandpa, has God no mercy?

Throwing his palms to the sky, tilting his head back and looked up on heaven, he waited for an answer from God that would end all his pain, or perhaps just make this grandpa go away, that would be fine to. Please, please, please God, help me now. What should I do, what should I do? Give me a sign or something. Give me a sign! Gin begged in his mind, sacrificing the last of his senses to the power in the clouds.

"...Son?"

"What?!" Gin snapped, screaming straight in to old man's face. "What the hell do you want, you damn stranger? Can't you see that I'm busy talking to God, wait for you damn turn!"

"Ehm..," the old man opened his mouth to speak but all he had time to do is to show Gin just how few teeth he had left in his mouth before Gin begun to rant again.

"What now, stranger? You strange stranger, you. Are you trying to talk, huh? Want to be pals, huh?" he placed his hand on his hips and bent forward. "Well too bad, grandpa! I don't speak with strangers, because-" Gin continued talking, snapping and ranting. Finally the poor old blind man, who just wanted to know if the lad was alright finally saw that no, the lad was not alright, he was down right paranoid! Now he made short work of his escape before the lad would run amok on him.

Unfortunately Gin noticed it, pointing dramatically at the retreating, but surprising fast old man who disappeared behind a bush like a wild boar. "Oi, where are you going stranger?! I am not finished yet!" His sentence was followed by a high shriek.

"Kyaahhhhh!!! Help! Somebody please help me!"

The scream came from an unnaturally dark ally, but the samurai didn't think twice before making his way there. He jumped over the garbage bags haphazardly obstructing his path, making a cat hiss threateningly when he passed. He was presented by a scene straight out of old gangster movies. A young lady with pink hat, pink lipstick and even a fluffy pink dress that suited a princess.

What the hell is she doing in this part of Edo anyway? Gintoki thought, more curious than aggressive. He shifted his gaze to the supposed assailant; a large stocky man in traditional grey kimono who happened to look just like your usual, everyday salaryman, if not for his eyes being a tad too square, making him look extraordinarily robotic.

"Hey, lady…is this man um…irritating you?" Gintoki asked dutifully, feeling almost forced to ask since the girl shot him an impatient glare before assuming the victimized face over and over again, but the thing was...the man. Well he wasn't attacking her or anything, just standing there...

"Yes, sir, he is. Please help me, please, I'm grr-," she almost growled angrily, her small fingers that were captured in the purest white of gloves twitching in the air. "Begging you."

"I'm a bad man," the large man introduced himself for both Gin and the lady. The word was apparently supposed to cover up the lack of 'evilness' the man showed.

"Oh, and I'm a diabetic," Gin uttered back in bored voice. "A pleasure to meet you, bad man."

The man bowed respectfully. "The pleasure is all mine," And suddenly reached his hand out grasping the lady's purse. "A bad man needs money. Give me the money, madam."

"Oh no! Help meeeee!" The purse fell out of her gasp after just one tug, were her arms really that weak? The woman laid her tender hand on her forehead as her eyes targeted at the sky, falling in a dead faint as the large man fled, or...Gin squinted puzzledly. No, he was more like walking away.

"Oof!" The girl suddenly flung herself on his arm, her entire weight hanging on as she gazed helplessly in the albino's eyes, small tears starting to show. "Mister, please, you must catch the chief!"

The samurai blinked his dead fish eyes at her, "Sorry, miss, but do I know you?"

Shocked, the lady's eyes glazed and her mouth gasped out,"...what?!"

He snatched his arm back, the feeling of someone else's skin, even if it was a gorgeous woman, kind of disgusted him now. "Sorry, I don't talk to strangers. And besides I'm no hero, and I don't need your _gratitude_," he emphasized the last word, feeling proud for some reason.

_Haha, see? I don't need gratitude, Tos-damn-stranger! _He thought smugly as his feet begun to depart on their own accord. He felt much better now than he had been for a long time. Sadly, didn't he have time to enjoy his happiness to the fullest because it all ended when he felt cold metal stuck up the small of his back. _A gun…_ Gin's mind instinctively confirmed.

It had been quite a while since he was last was threatened with a gun but even so couldn't he say that he missed it.

_This girl really doesn't handle a "no" that well._

"Um, excuse me, miss," he chuckled nervously, as his eyebrow twitched. "But it's my back you are aiming at, are you aware of that?"

"Shut up!" screeched the lady uncivilly, reaching up and grabbing the big pink hat on her head with the other hand, her sharp nails tearing at the fabric. In the next moment she sent it flying off in a rage. "We're changing the plan. Instead of him killing you, I shall do the honours," she smiled with deep satisfaction.

"Who could have known that I am so popular with the ladies," Gin thought sarcastically, the dangerous situation not spoiling his sense of humour. He dared a glance over his shoulder, and could see the hot-headed girl's beautiful blonde hair framing her small but sour face. She had bitten off her cute white gloves and stamped them into the ground. She prodded his back rudely with the cold metal, so he turned forward again. Although she got on his nerves, he laughed out loud, to lighten up a little.

"Hehe, I see. And you are?" When Gin's only reply was the metallic click of the pistol being loaded, his eyes widened.

_Oh, god! I knew that I should have shut up! I knew it! Good bye dear world!_

"My name is Kijima Matako," She finally announced. She seemed calm, so Gin heaved a sign of relief; false alarm. "And a member of the true Joi, the Kiheitai,"

_Oh shit... _

_"A_nd soon to be the killer-," at this word she paused and obviously smirked, "Of the great Shiroyasha....Say good bye, traitor!"

_God? Is this your sign?!_

A cold wind whistled through the alleyway, silencing the dull boom of a gunshot.

* * *

"Really Itou-sensei, you really pick the worst of time to come here...," Kondou laughed, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.

When the other man did not seem amused, instead offered him an offended frown, Kondou quickly added, "Not that I don't want you here, sensei! It's just..," Kondou trailed off as if he couldn't bring himself to lie to his advisor. His returned his hands to his thighs, looked at the floor uncertainly and chewed on his lower lip.

Itou's sudden visit to the Shinsengumi HQ was a big surprise for Kondou, who hadn't had the time to fix things up around the quarters, like cleaning. Kondou was so ashamed when the adviser had raised his eyebrows, noting the dusty floors. He didn't comment on it, but that was nearly worse! He felt so insecure without either of Shougo or Hijikata by his side, even if Shougo didn't stand up for him whenever Itou criticized, his presence was nonetheless comforting and Hijikata's objection always stopped Itou from scanning everything. It was not that Kondou was afraid of Itou-sensei, how could he be? It was just that that he had so much respect for him, and didn't want him to be disappointed with him.

"Is something wrong, Kondou-san?"

"You can't really call it 'wrong'", confessed Kondou, knowing that he couldn't keep things hidden from Itou-sensei. At best if he gave him little information maybe he might lose interest in the whole subject. "It just Toshi, he's not totally alright if you understand."

Itou didn't understand, alright. How was he supposed to when the word 'alright' was so widely used? But considering all things, it wasn't unexpected that an idiot like him would pick this word to describe another. Honestly.

Kondou mistook Itou's displeasure at his choice of his words to be a look of worried concern, and begun waving his hand, a big goofy grin plastered over his face. "But it's no biggie!"

The adviser couldn't stop the instinctive downward turn of his lips, so he quickly lifted the tea cup in front of him and took a sip to hide it. He was a master of faking his expression, he had been forced to carry a smile during his childhood, covering up his tears and suppressed desires, but damn, even that couldn't beat the challenge of being around this idiot without getting frustrated.

"Speaking of Hijikata-kun," Itou locked gazes with Kondou over the edge of his cup, just to be sure the he answer he would receive would be honest and not some pathetic lie. "Where is he?"

"Well..," Kondou pulled diffidently on his collar._ Damn, he didn't lose interest. _Was it just him or was the air thin in here? He got to his feet quickly, accidentally knocking the table, sending it vibrating. "Sorry," he flushed at his clumsiness and grasped the gliding door that was nearby, opening it. The cold wind that blew on his face was very refreshing. He beamed at the green eyed man with youthful vigour.

"Don't you think the outside of the Shinsengumi is pretty, Itou-sansei, the smell from the flowers, the birds and the blue sky..," Kondou took another breath, filling his lungs with air.

Itou looked out, and he didn't appreciate what was oh-so-wonderful about the view he was presented with. It looked exactly the same as it did all those years ago when he last was here. But he supposed he shouldn't be surprised, the Shinsengumi's economical state was currently worse then it ever been.

"If you say so Kondou-san," Itou said with a roll of his eyes. "I have quite a few treasured memories of that garden, one of them being the time when Hijikata-kun tried to save the kitten in the treetop, truly heroic," the sarcasm was automatic. "I would love to speak with him soon, to find out if he has rescued any more baby animals," he permitted a small playful smirk to show on his face.

"Ugh, well he's sleeping now so..."

"Sleeping?" questioned Itou sharply. "So utterly odd for that man, has he no work to do during the daytime?"

Kondou laughed again, yet another airy laugh, his voice strained to cracking point. If the fake laugh wasn't a dead giveaway then the small drops of sweat down his forehead clearly were. Itou could taste victory...

"Commander!" A Shinsengumi rushed into the room, mail in hand. "Commmander, I have been ordered to deliver this letter to you!"

"A letter?" Kondou blinked at the man from his position at the wall, he never got any letters and had no idea how to act now that his sensei was watching. Oh God, what are the formalities involved? What if I grasp the letter wrong or maybe open it wrong!

"You can give it to me, Kiku-kun," Itou said.

"B-but, ano, I was ordered to give it directly to the C-commmander."

"It's alright," he gave one of his most trustworthy smiles to the underling, opening up his tense face a little. "I am the adviser, it's my duty to know everything so I can draw the quickest and best solution for the betterment of the whole Shinsengumi." He turned towards Kondou, giving him a significant look. "Right, Commander?"

He didn't wait for reply, since he knew he was right, as did the gorilla and the Shinsengumi-turned mailman too. With an ungentle hand he tore up the envelop, unfolded the paper and read its contents out loud.

_"Commander,_

_Shougo has found the main suspect for the crime of attacking Hijikata-san._

_It's Sakata Gintoki._

_We are currently on our way to arrest the man so we can make further investigation._

_The reason why I'm sending this letter to you instead of calling you is because the batteries in my phone are dead and Okita-kun refused to let me borrow his. Sad smily"_

Itao's vein on his forehead popped and he decided he needed to organize a lecture for all his men in the Shinsengumi concerning how to write a letter in the correct way.

_"Anyway, we'll also look up a tip we got concerning the Joi in some teahouse._

_Yamazaki Sagaru."_

Itou sighed when he had read the letter to its end, which proved to be rather trying since this Yamazaki fellow's writing style was absolutely abominable.

_I will give this Yamazaki-san a lesson in hand writing..._

Kondou fumbled with his sausage fingers in front of him, a faint blush gracing his tanned cheeks in embarrassment.

Itou tipped his head a little forward and letting it lean on his index finger a little, closing his light green eyes. He was the perfect picture of a disappointed parent, or in this case teacher.

"What should I do with you, Kondou-san," the commander winced, but Itou continued. "What have I been telling you? You shouldn't keep secrets from me, how else can I play my role as adviser when I don't have all the facts?"

"S-sorry, Itou-sensei...," Kondou bowed his head in shame.

"It's alright," Itou said, delighted at how the tension in the large man's shoulder relaxed at his words of forgiveness. But he wasn't about to let all this go.

"Now, tell me everything, and I mean everything...

***

Shougo found himself taking cover behind the car door, it didn't sound much like him but even he know better then to go out there. Shooting was heard everywhere as men in Shinsengumi uniforms tried to overpower a crazy gun-wielding gal. The whole situation was pathetic, since the woman, described by witnesses as a pretty little princess who graced their streets with beauty turned out to be a berserker bitch with the ability to stand up against the most brutal of armed policemen.

The report Shougo would later be forced to write about this would be a nightmare…

"Oi, Yamazaki," Shougo called. The other man was hiding behind the other door of the car. Ever since the two of them had arrived on the scene, they never even got the chance to leave the car before bullets flew over their heads.

"WHAT, CAPTAIN, WHAT SHOULD WE D-?!" Yamazaki yelped, his answer interrupted when a garbage pin lock flew straight through the window of the door he was hiding behind. He covered his head with his arm to dodge the sharp squares of shattered glass that sparkled over him like rain.

"Do me a favour, will you? Go out there and do something heroic so I can have some good news to report to the Commander when we get back to HQ!" After a little more thought, he cupped he his mouth and promised. "If you die will I personally give you a nicely done funeral."

"I refuse!" screamed the spy, seeming both horrified and angry. "And besides how can me dying be good news to the Commander?!"

Shougo could think of many ways Yamazaki's death could be twisted to his own benefit but a big explosion stopped him from listing them out. He barely had enough time to stuff his fingers in his ears before an explosion shook the ground like a small earthquake. A bright flame spurted out of the second-floor window of one shophouse, it started eating up the wooden framed walls, sending glowing embers flying and flickering to the neighbouring houses, which began to catch fire. Black smoke billowed above the broken buildings, spreading an uncomfortable warmth over the battlefield. Man's rough coughing sound, the wails of women mixed with the thick ash and smoke that rolled over them like waves. People's cries for the fire department were drowned by the deafening reports of gunfire.

"Just come here, you fucking assholes and I will show you just what we in the Joi think of scum like you!" Matako laughed maniacally as she shot wildly but dangerously about. Bullets flew everywhere, and the Shinsengumi men ran around like headless chickens. "Tch," she snarled at the gun as she tipped it backwards.

"Already out of ammunition, no way!"

***

Hijikata opened his eyes and groaned when he woke up, though he had no idea why he was awake. But he guessed that the cramp he felt digging in his back had something to do with it. _Tch, sleeping on the same side too long_. He tried to egg his body to move, changing position in the warm, cosy bed. The task was harder than it should be, Hijikata found out the hard way that he could not move much, before his sore body irked in pain. Since he was still half asleep didn't he care, but the cramp really got to him. He yawned and stretched his neck in a weak attempt to get more comfortable. But it was useless, he had only one last resort.

"Oi, Shougo! You there?"

To beg the bastard for help was very low of him, but he was nearly desperate. He wanted to sleep and forget, and to do that must he stop this fucking cramp. Gah, it hurt…

"Fucking god-Shougo!" If the bastard didn't get here soon he would die, and he wasn't being over dramatic, lying on one side in bed could kill you, at least it felt like it.

"Shougo!" he screamed at the top of his lungs with the last of his energy, he took a big breath and closed his eyes. He felt so tired...

Finally the door creaked open, and light streaked into the gloomy darkness. Hijikata heard someone making his way in the room. He wasn't familiar with the footsteps though. He frowned, it was to big to be Shougo and still not quite as big as Kondou-san, it must be some rookie....Hijikata yawned again, if the rookie wanted to know what he wanted he could try and wake him up, but if he knew better would he leave him alone. Hijikata hated to have a stranger's hands touching him.

Bang!

He jumped and turned around to the direction the sound come from. It was just the door being slammed, but... his eyes widened when he saw the person who caused the sound, no, not person, but the vengeful spirit of total destruction.

A cold feeling washed over him, pure fear and panic.

"Good afternoon," greeted the one and only Takasugi Shinsuke, leaning on the closed door, his arms crossed. He smirked. "Have you missed me...Toshy-Boy, was it?"

_***_

_We only part to meet again. ~John Gay_

A/N: I'm deeply sorry for the late updates, I guess it's hard for you readers keep a fresh memory of this fic past and a few of you meybe is forced to re-read to get all, sorry. Please don't forget it's existent and reviews encourage me to work faster^^


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